I Don't Want To Lose You Again
by CarineM
Summary: What happened between Angel and Buffy? Buffy regrets while Angel doesn't want to hear about her any more. He is trying to forget her but is forced to help her when she loses her memory.
1. Amnesia

**TITLE**: I Don't Want To Lose You Again

**DISCLAIMER **: Buffy, Angel and all other characters belong to Joss Whedon (If I owned them, Angel wouldn't be acting that weird)

**SUMMARY**: Something bad happened three months earlier between Buffy and Angel. She regrets what she said to him but is too ashamed to apologize while on the other hand, Angel doesn't want to hear about her any more and is trying to forget her and their past. But he will be forced to help her when she loses her memory.

**DISTRIBUTION**: You can have it, just tell me where you put it, thanks.

**PAIRING :** Buffy/Angel, hints of B/R

* * *

**Sunnydale**

Buffy and Riley were patrolling as usual but it had been three months since Buffy had been acting strangely. There was something about her that wasn't right, and all her friends had all noticed. And of course, it was just after Angel's little visit, a visit Riley wished had never happened , and not only because it was just too humiliating for him. He hated that vampire for what he had done to him and mostly for how he could make the woman he loved feel. She wasn't the same any more, she rarely smiled and when she did, it was clear to those who knew her well that she was only faking. She tried to do as if nothing was wrong but she miserably failed. Her empty eyes betrayed her, they showed all the pain she was trying so hard to hide. This pain could only be coming from one person, that vampire again. If only Riley knew what had happened between them, he thought, he could at least do something but he had no clue. He was her boyfriend and she wouldn't even talk to him.

Riley suspected Willow to know what had happened to her but each time he would ask her, she would change subject or tell him that nothing was wrong and that anyway it was not his fault. He knew that damn well! He hadn't done anything to Buffy but yet she wouldn't even let him be near her. He hated that situation and cursed the vampire each day.

"Buffy, are you all right?" he asked, looking at her and hoping to get her to talk to him.

"Yes, Riley, I'm fine" she responded not even bothering to look at him.

Then nothing, silence…that was like the only conversation they had. If he tried to talk to her, he felt like he was bothering her, cutting her from much more important thoughts than talking to him. And of course those thoughts were about that vampire again. Sometimes in her sleep, he would hear her moan or scream his name, then wake up crying, but if he asked, she would only tell him that she had had a nightmare.

"Buffy, I think we need to talk. You are not the same any more. I want to know what happened to you", he finally broke the silence, determined to make her open up.

"Look, Riley, you are right, we do need to talk… I think we should take a break" Buffy finally bothered to look at him.

"That's not what I meant. I don't want to take a break. I love you" Riley said alarmed.

Those words hurt her, she didn't want him to pronounce them and she felt bad abouit it. There was only one person who could say it to her the right way, making her feel whole again. But after what she had said to him, he would never look at her the same way again. She had destroyed everything because of a misunderstanding. If she could take back time, she would make everything right.

_If I could change I would_

_Take back the pain I would _

_Retrace every wrong move that I made I would _

_If I could stand up and take the blame I would _

_If I could take all the shame to the grave I would_

She didn't realise it before Riley took her in his arms, but tears were slowly falling on her cheeks. She stepped back, she could no longer bear him touching her. His touch felt so bad, how had she been able to let anyone else touch her? She only belonged to one man.

They stayed still for an awkward long moment. Riley was feeling betrayed and hurt while Buffy was thoughtful and ashamed of what she had done three months earlier to the man who meant the world to her. They were caught off guard by a Mahlog, a loathsome green demon with long horns and claws. He kicked the slayer and sent her flying across the cemetery where she hit her head on a stoned grave. She had a cut on her forehead and was bleeding a little. She tried to get up unsuccessfully and fell down again, unconscious. Riley fought the demon with all his strength. He finally got rid of him and could only concentrate on one thing: Buffy.

He ran to her, she was still unconscious but at least the bleeding had stopped. He gently shook her and she slowly openes her eyes.

"I was so afraid, I thought he had killed you. Are you all right ?" He asked worry filled in his voice

Buffy looked at him then suddently moved away as if she was scared.

"Who are you?" she asked in a little voice she didn't recognise as hers but she didn't seem to recognise a lot of things

"Are you joking ? It's not funny, Buffy. I was really worried" He was again pained that she couldn't stand being near him.

"I'm not joking. Thank you for helping me, now I'm going home"

Riley was too shocked to move. She had talked to him like he was a total stranger. Okay, she wanted to take a break but no need to be so distant. He saw her stopping and hoped she had finally realised she was making a mistake.

"Where is home? I don't remember... Oh my God" she cried, she felt like her head was going to explode. She didn't remember anything and she tried so hard that it only brought more pain and disappointment. "What am I doing so late in a cemetery?" she sat down and cried calmly.

Riley couldn't believe his eyes. She really didn't remember where her home was or anything else? He saw her for the first time like she was a beautiful fragile creature who needed protection. He wouldn't let anything happen to her. He approached her gently.

"Buffy, come with me. My name is Riley, you can trust me. We will take care of that problem."

Buffy was still afraid but there was nothing else to do, he seemed to know her after all.

"Where are we going?" she asked meeting his eyes for the first time. He had beautiful blue eyes which inspired trust but they weren't dark and as deep as his soul. Where did that thought come from? She had no idea and concentrating on it only brought a headache so she topped and focussed on her surroundings.

"We are going to a friend's, his name is Giles"

That was the last words spoken during the walk. They stood in front of Giles' door. Rile took a last glance at Buffy before knocking on the door. Giles opened the door and was surprised to see them.

"Riley, Buffy.. Please come in" he said politely as always.

"Giles, we have a problem, Buffy has amnesia" Riley blurted out.

Giles turned to look at Buffy and saw the bruise on her forehead. It was already a little bruise since she healed really fast. She seemed to be so fragile, so innocent. He almost enjoyed her state for the fact that the pain in her eyes was gone and replaced by mere confusion. Unfortunately, he couldn't let her like that, she must felt so lost. He felt her embarrassment and stop staring at her.

"How did this happen?" he asked Riley

"We were patrolling and a...hm..Do you think we should ?" asked Riley nervously

"She will learn sooner or later so, yes, go ahead"

"Ok, so we were patrolling and a demon attacked us. He sent her against a grave where she hit her head."

"So, it's because of the shock then we can't do anything, she should recover her memory by herself"

"Excuse me, sir, but what are you talking about? Demons? They don't exist, you are playing with my mind and I don't find that amusing" exclaimed Buffy

Giles looked at her and explained everything to her about her being the slayer... " In every generation, there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the slayer..." She didn't know why but she was captivated by what he was saying, and she trusted him. She felt close to him, he felt like a father to her. She believed every word he said but still thought it was crazy.

"Do you believe me?" asked Giles puzzled.

"Yes, I don't know why because what you are saying is kind of crazy, but I feel like I can trust you" she answered calmly not knowing that her words would affect him so much.

Giles was elated, she didn't remember anything but yet she trusted him. He had always considered her as his daughter. He called Willow and Xander but didn't tell them on the phone what was happening, he only told them that there was a problem with Buffy.. They arrived twenty minutes after the phone call. Buffy was nervous to meet them, Giles had told her they were her best friends.

"Hey Buff, how are you?" asked Xander hugging her

"You must be Xander" she felt uncomfortable, people knew her but she couldn't remember them.

"Really funny, Buff. Who do you want it to be? Did I change overnight?"

"I'm not joking" she said exasperated

"She isn't joking, she has amnesia" said Giles from his position on the sofa

Willow who had stayed calm until now went to her.

"Oh my God Buffy, it must be so hard, I'm Willow, your best female friend"

"Nice to meet you" She said smiling, she had already took a liking at the red head. It seemed as if she knew everything about her.

"I'm Xander, your best male friend then" he said mimicking Willow and still surprised, he somewhat found it hard to believe.

She smiled at him then turned to Riley.

"And you ? Are you another best friend of mine?"

She missed the hurt in Riley's eyes but after all she couldn't know.

"No Buffy, I'm your boyfriend"

"Oh" was all she could utter

Her reaction hurt him a lot. She didn't seem happy about it nor unhappy for that matter, it was merely as if she didn't care. She just didn't feel anything for him. She may have lost her memory but love is not something you forget so easily. She was brought back from her thoughts by Giles' voice.

"While you have amnesia, you won't be able to fight, it could be dangerous so you can't protect the Hellmouth. We have to find someone who could help us during that time"

"What about Angel?" exclaimed Willow already thinking that he could help Buffy gain her memory back.

"No way, we are not going to call Dead Boy" said Xander

"He is right, we don't need him, I can fight" rejoined Riley

"Yes, Riley, you're strong but not strong enough. I think Willow is right, I'll call him and ask him to come as soon as possible" Giles said, he hadn't forget what Angelus had done to him but he had learned to tell the man and the demon apart and he trusted the man.

Angel...Angel, this name sounded familiar to Buffy. She fought to find something, but nothing, just a feeling with the name. A good feeling, a feeling of safety.

"Who is Angel?" she asked shyly

She noticed that they all seemed embarrassed by her question, like they didn't know how to answer. Riley and Xander even looked mad because she was interested in that name, Angel.

"It's...He is a .. friend of us" answered Giles uncertainly

"His name sounds familiar. Do I know him well?"

"Really? Oh my God, it's great Buffy" Willow said but stopped when she felt that Riley and Xander were glaring at her.

"It's a good beginning, maybe when you will see him..." Giles didn't continue his sentence, he couldn't believe their love could be so strong. But after all it was Buffy and Angel.

Buffy noticed they were all acting strangely at the mention of Angel's name, except Willow who sounded glad. She was looking forward to meeting this Angel and hoped he would be able to help her remembering. She felt so lost.

**TBC Please review **

_Lyrics by Linkin Park - Easier To Run_


	2. Arrival In Sunnydale

**Los Angeles**

Angel, Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn were still taking care of the hopeless people. Angel Investigations was calm at the time and Angel who had more free time took it to brood even more. He could stay in his office or his apartment all day long, without going out, only at night he would go out to fight. He still had difficulty accepting that he had gained his humanity back.

_**Si tu n'existais pas (If you didn't exist) **_

_**Dis moi pourquoi j'existerais (Tell me why I would exist) **_

Since he didn't have Buffy to share it with him, he would have preferred to stay a vampire but the Power That's Be thought otherwise. He had tried to make them change their mind but they had told him that by preventing the end of the world another time, he had deserved his humanity. But seeing his disappointment, they had let him keep his strength so he could keep on fighting for them. He was still fighting but not like before, he fought just because he knew it was the right thing to do but he didn't have a goal any more. He never went out when it was sunny, he still lived as a vampire and thought of himself as one.

He had everything he had always wanted but having them without her was senseless. He thought of the day that wasn't, it was just perfect. Now they could have plenty of days like that but she had hurt him so badly three months earlier that he hadn't had the courage to call her and make things right. His pride was stronger. He was starting to forget her as he thought he would never see her again. That way it was easier, he didn't know how he would react if he had to see her again. When he became human, Angelus didn't totally disappear, Angel realised that he had become more violent, hard. But at the same time, for the others, he was still the old Angel, kind and caring who could do anything for the people he loved.

Cordelia was sitting on a sofa, on the main entrance of the hotel. She couldn't stop feeling guilty for Angel. The words Buffy had said to him must have been so hard to take. He was acting like he didn't care, but he couldn't fool her, he was like a brother to her and she could feel his pain. He had been out for now more than five hours chasing a demon alone, she was really worried.

The phone started to ring, cutting her from her thoughts. She slowly got up and lifted the receiver.

"Angel Investigations, we help the hopel..."

"Hi Cordelia, it's Giles" he cut in

"It's not a reason to cut me in. What do you want?" she asked nastily

"Can I talk to Angel, please ?" he ignored her tone, he didn't know why she sounded so unpleasant.

"No, he is not here and even if he was, I wouldn't let you talk to him and hurt him"

"I do not want to hurt him. Can you tell him that we would really appreciate his help here?" Noises of protestation from Xander and Riley were heard over the phone.

"No way he is going there. Your slayer can take care of her town. She made it clear last time he tried to help, didn't she? "

"Sorry, I didn't know about that but that is the problem, Buffy can't fight, please tell him we need him as soon as possible" He He really hoped Angel would come, it seemed like Buffy and him were far from being on best terms. He ignored everything about that. He began to understand Buffy's state before she had lost her memory, she was so sad and empty. He had never thought before that the vampire with a soul had something to do with it.

"I will talk to him but I don't guarantee anything, I DON'T want him to go there. I am sure he will be eager to help you but if one of you, especially your slayer hurt him or even try to hurt him physically or emotionally, I will personally take care of him"

"Thanks, bye" he didn't know what else to say, he was surprised by her sudden outburst. Angel and her seemed to have developed a close relationship.

She put down the receiver and sat on the sofa she was on before. She couldn't believe it. She had hurt him, told him horrible things and now she needed his help. She stayed still for about thirty minutes, thinking of Angel. He had been so nice to her, he had given her a chance to change when everyone only saw her as a spoilt child, she didn't want to see him get hurt again. There weren't a lot of people she cared about, Angel and the rest of the team were her family, people she could count on no matter what and who could count on her too.

Angel finally came back, he was injured as usual. She suspected him to let demons or vampires hit him before killing them, maybe to release his own pain, but of course he would never admit it. She ran to him and started to clean the blood and put bandages on his arm. Tomorrow, he would be healed but of course he would get hurt again. He always went back like that, bleeding and acting like it didn't hurt. She didn't know how to tell him the news. She was sure he would agree. Even if he was angry at the slayer, he couldn't let her down. Angel could feel she was tense.

"What's the matter, Cordy ?" he asked gently

"Angel..." she looked into his dark eyes and was pained with what she found in them, always despair even if he tried to hide it behind indifference. She hoped he would find the happiness he deserved "Giles called, he wants you to go to Sunnydale and help them... because Buffy can't fight"

He stayed still, forgetting the pain he was feeling in his whole body. He didn't know what to think. What did Buffy can't fight mean ? She must be hurt. Why did he care? After all he hated her, right ? And she was the one who told him that she didn't need him, that it was HER town. But he couldn't help being worried about her.

"What happened to Buffy?" he asked, his voice without a trace of emotion, his face like a mask

"Already worried about your little bitch, I knew it Angel. Damn, how can you be that stupid?" As soon as she finished, she immediately regretted her words.

"Don't call her that, she didn't do anything to you. I'll leave tomorrow morning around 6, call Giles and tell him" before she had time to argue he added "Thanks Cordelia, but don't worry, I know what I am doing" _or at least I hope_, he said to himself. Then he went down to his apartment which meant he didn't want to be bothered again.

"I hope you know what you are doing, but no way I'm letting you go there alone" she said to herself. She went home and called Giles before starting to pack.

When Giles lifted the receiver, she didn't let him time to talk "We will be there tomorrow morning around 11" then she put down the receiver and went to bed.

It was going to be a really short night. At 6 am, she was already at the hotel waiting for Angel. Ten minutes later when he walked into the entrance and saw her, he wasn't even surprised. And he knew there was no point in trying to make her change her mind, after all it was like the other time, she was determined. So he called Wesley to tell him the news.

"Hi Wesley...yes I know it's early... no I'm not in danger...Cordelia and I have to go to Sunnydale...no I'm not crazy...I don't know how long but we will come back as soon as possible...yes I will be careful...because Giles called and said he needed my help...yes I know you are worried about me but there is no need, I just want you to take care of Angel Investigations with Gunn while we are not here...of course I trust you enough...Thanks, bye.

He put down the phone and looked at Cordelia.

"Are you ready ?"

"To see you get hurt again, no, I will never be ready"

"That wasn't my question but whatever" he walked towards his car.

They went into the car and while he drove they didn't talk much, they didn't need to.

"Thank God, you are driving much slower than last time, I can keep my eyes open"

He knew she was talking about last time he had driven to Sunnydale, three months earlier. He pushed that memory aside. He looked at her and cracked a smile before returning his attention on the road. Cordelia hadn't slept much the night before, she began to yawn and quickly fell asleep. When they arrived in Sunnydale, at the bottom of Giles' apartment, she was still asleep, after all her eyes hadn't stayed open that long, Angel thought. He didn't have the courage to wake her up. She looked so beautiful and peaceful. He didn't love Cordelia the way he had loved Buffy, but their friendship was really important to him, they were like family. She had changed a lot from the superficial girl she was, she had become a loving mature woman he considered as her sister, in some way she made him think of Kathy, she was like an angel when she let you know her.

**Sunnydale**

Everyone was at Giles' house, waiting for Angel. It was already 11:30.

"He is not going to come, did you forget that it's SUNNY?" said Xander smiling "We don't want him to be reduced to ashes, do we?"

Buffy tried to understand what he was talking about. Giles had told her vampires burn because of the sun but Angel couldn't be a vampire. A slayer and a vampire friends, it was simply impossible, right? Then if he was a friend, why wouldn't he come? She had so many questions but she felt like no one except maybe Willow, would give her answers.

"He will come" said Willow with confidence

Giles wasn't so sure but he could only wait. He kept wondering what could have happened between Angel and Buffy. Xander and Riley seemed to be on cloud nine, they had always thought that Angel was bad for Buffy, and seeing that he wasn't there could only be a good thing for her. Maybe she would totally forget him when she would recover her memory.

In the car, Cordelia slowly woke up and felt Angel looking at her.

"Why didn't you wake me up? How long have I been asleep?"

"For nearly two hours minutes, I didn't feel like waking you up. You looked so peaceful and beautiful"

"Thank you" she said blushing then quickly changed the subject "Let's go, they must be waiting"

They stood in front of Giles' door. No one moved for a long time but not for the same reasons. Angel was afraid of his reaction when he would see Buffy. If she was badly hurt, he knew he wouldn't be able to stay angry with her. He had never bear seeing her hurt and he would lose himself to her…again. Cordelia was afraid Angel would end up getting hurt again, according to her, Buffy was only a source of pain when it came to Angel.

**TBC Please Review**

**Thanks to: **

Buff

dalmatiangrl2

urangel (you will soon find what happened between them)

Blondiegrl

crystalix

savannah

You reviews helped me write faster, I hope you enjoyed that chapter. Next one there will be B/A interaction


	3. Meeting Angel

Angel and Cordelia were still in front of Giles' apartment. Screwing up his courage, he knocked on the door and his face became an unreadable mask. Cordelia looked at him and released a sigh. She wished Giles had never called, it couldn't end well when those two were involved.

The knock gave Giles a start. Xander looked disappointed and Riley was fuming. Last time he was there, everything had changed. Buffy on the other hand was anxious to meet that famous Angel. Willow got up and went to open the door.

"I told you he would come" she said unnecessaryly to the others. Buffy had told her what had happened between Angel and her three months earlier. Buffy was heartbroken, she couldn't even try to imagine Angel's state.

She opened the door and was surprised to see Cordelia.

"Angel...Cordelia, please come in" she whispered, not knowing why.

"Hi Willow" Angel answered nicely, he was angry at the slayer, no need to be mean to Willow who had always be nice with him.

Cordelia barely gave her a glance. They entered the apartment and stood in front of everyone. Xander and Riley were glaring furiously at Angel who ignored them but Cordelia was returning the glance. Giles was nervously cleaning his glasses, sensing the thick tension in the air, getting thicker and thicker each instant. Willow sat on the sofa next to Buffy in some reassuring way, as if she wanted to tell Buffy that she was there, and that she wasn't alone, she could count on her.

Buffy was amazed by the tall, mysterious, dark, handsome man who had just stepped in. They forgot to tell her he was breath-taking. She couldn't have been friend with a man like that especially when she couldn't stop staring at him. Her mouth went dry. She was glad for that or else she would be slavering. He sounded familiar, just like his name but she couldn't find anything else. She was just irresistibly attracted to him. She looked as he walked towards the wall as far as possible from them, and leant against it. She couldn't help noticing that he was avoiding to look into her eyes. He hadn't set his eyes on her since he had entered. Another mystery. Her life seemed to be quite mysterious but she would try everything to unravel the mystery that was that man and what he meant to her.

Cordelia turned her eyes to Buffy and noticed how she was drooling over Angel. What was the matter with that slayer ? How could she look at him like that after what she had said to him? She had no idea Buffy didn't have a clue of what had happened between the two of them..

Riley noticed the way Buffy was looking at him too. Jealousy overwhelmed him, it had always been about that vampire. She could never loved him because of that demon. He was determined to take his revenge.

No one spoke for a long moment, there was an awkward silence until Angel broke it.

"Why did you need my help? She looks perfectly fine to me" he said calmly adressing no one in particular and looking at the wall opposite.

"**I** didn't ask for your help"replied Xander and Riley at the same time

Giles was about to speak but didn't find the words, he should have explained the situation over the phone, he suddenly felt guilty. He found himself awestruck but the change in Angel, he looked so cold and distant. He had never really been the friendly type but he was sure that something had happened, he was even more distant.

"I don't have time for this shit so you'd better keep your remarks and looks for yourself. It's my first and only warning. Next time one of you messes with me, I won't be that nice" he said so calmly that it surprised everyone, his words and his way of saying it weren't matching at all. He looked so calm, that's maybe why Riley didn't consider his threat.

"Who the hell do you think... ?" started Riley, walking towards him. He didn't have time to finish his sentence because Angel's fist connected with his nose and broke it. Riley started to scream in pain and stepped back, his hand on his nose trying to stop it from bleeding. The others didn't know how to react. Cordelia was smirking, maybe it wouldn't be that bad after all.

"I thought you knew better, BOY, last time I kicked your ass wasn't enough ? Anytime you need a lesson, I'll be ready and pleased to give it to you" said Angel the same calm way, then turning to Xander he added "You want a taste?" Xander stepped back until he reached the wall at the opposite and couldn't go further but he still felt as if he was too close to the vampire.

Willow looked at him in disbelief. He had changed so much, she couldn't believe it. Was it because of what happened ? Giles also couldn't believe what he was seeing, Angel had always been so calm.

Angel ignored the glances he was receiving and turned his head towards Buffy for the first time. She didn't miss the pain in his eyes. His eyes were so dark, she was sure his soul could been seen inside. Strangely, she wanted to take all that pain away. But when he looked at her, she saw his pain changed to anger to indifference. The anger was so brief that at first she thought she had just imagined it, but when he spoke to her, she knew something had happened between them.

"Next time, you should keep your boy toy chained. So what's the deal ? Why did you call me ? Aren't you able to take care of your town any more?" he snapped

Buffy was speechless, why was he so mean to her ? His tone was so harsh. She didn't want him to be mad. It nearly brought tears to her eyes but she fought them. She couldn't break in front of them, especially not in front of him. She just wanted him to love her. Where did that come from ? She had only met him but it was like she had known him for her entire life. He felt so familiar and at the same time so unfamiliar.

Angel started to get annoyed. Why was she looking at him that way? He had every right to be mad. She was looking at him like she would have when she was sixteen and it deeply hurt him. Her eyes were so deep and reflected so much confusion but he couldn't let her break him again. Those three months had even been harder than the years he had spent in Hell.

"What the hell was that all about? I thought you were...hurt and couldn't fight. Damn, say something, stop looking at me like that!" he yelled

Buffy looked down, he was hurting her like she had never been hurt since she had woken up without her memory. She felt so lost at the time and thought she couldn't feel worse but some words from him and she was fighting the urge to cry. She opened her mouth but the words wouldn't come. She didn't know what to say without annoying him more. She wished she could disappeared.

Before Angel could add something else, Willow interrupted him.

"Angel, STOP, please. We called you because Buffy has amesia, she doesn't remember anything" she explained

Cordelia opened her mouth and stared blankly at the slayer. Was it some kind of trick or had she really forgotten everything ? Angel just stared at Buffy like he was trying to absorb what Willow had just said. If she really did not remember anything, then she had forgotten all the things she had said to him, so he couldn't blame her any more. Could he think of a second chance for them ? She had forgotten that she hated him, they could start a new relationship. But she would recover her memory and it would only get worse. He wouldn't let her affect him again. But seeing the look in Buffy's eyes, he couldn't help feeling like they were before everything happened, before Angelus, before she sent him to Hell, before they got separated... He was brought back by her smooth voice.

"I'm sorry, I don't remember what I did to you, but I'm really sorry I hurt you" she said in a voice barely audible.

Angel looked at her speechless. He couldn't think of a thing to say. She seemed to be so sincere and innocent. She was apologizing for something she didn't even remember doing. He wanted so badly to believe her, to forget everything and make it right but he couldn't. He had been trying to hate her for three months and now she didn't even remember the harm she had caused him. It was too much to take in. Everyone was observing him, waiting for his reaction while he was fighting with himself. He couldn't take it any more and stormed out of the apartment.

Cordelia wanted to go after him but was stopped by Giles.

"I think he needs some time alone"

"It's all your fault" then turning her head towards Buffy, she added "Especially yours, I knew I shouldn't have let him come. But once he heard you were in danger, he couldn't think straight. On purpose or not, there is only one thing you know how to do well. You already hurt him enough, I won't let you do it again".Once she had uttered those words, she seemed to relax. She just stared at the door where Angel had left hoping he would come back fast and that nothing would happen to him.

Buffy didn't know what to say. Could she have hurt him that much ? She must be an horrible person then. She wasn't sure she wanted so much to remember any more. She wanted to make things right with Angel, she couldn't support him being mad at her. She was slowly falling in love with him without even realising it. She had to find more about their relationship. They couldn't have been just friends. Plus, the way Riley was looking at him could only prove her thought, he was jealous, he wasn't jealous of Xander. But what was the deal with Xander? Why did he hate him ? There were so many things she wanted to understand but at the same time was afraid of knowing.

Cordelia was visibly worried about Angel, she kept watching the time.

"How did Dead Boy come here? I'm talking about the sun. Does he have a special lotion or what ?" Xander asked confused

When he became human two months earlier, Angel had made her swear she wouldn't tell anyone in Sunnydale but she didn't see any point in lying to them, they would learn it sooner or later, she sighed "He gained his humanity back" seeing their confusion, she snapped "I don't want to talk about it, if you need answers, you'll have to ask him"

Everyone was trying to put up with Cordelia's confession. Giles wanted to know more, he had never seen a case like that, he was curious to know how it was possible. Willow couldn't help the joy she felt inside, Buffy and Angel could be together now, no more curse. She hoped they would be able to forget all their problems and focus on their love which she was sure was still present and strong. She noticed the way Buffy was looking at him. Riley and Xander were fuming. Riley because now, Buffy and Angel had a chance he was sure she wouldn't let go when she would gain her memory back. Xander because there was no reason left for him to hate Angel.

"Who is Dead Boy ?" asked Buffy, still shocked by her meeting with Angel

"Angel, it's just a nickname Xander uses for him" answered Willow

"What does it mean that he gained his humanity back?"

"Before he was a ... he was a.." started Willow

"He was a blood-sucking vampire" finished Riley angry

"What? I don't understand. Vampires can become human again ?"

They explained to her about Angelus, how he was cursed, his soul and how he joined the good side. Of course, they didn't tell her about their relationship. It was an unbelievable story, she couldn't help being fascinated by the ex-vampire. She hoped he would come back. She wanted to learn more about him. She was worried about him. It felt strange.

**TBC****Please Review**

NEXT CHAPTER YOU WILL KNOW WHAT HAPPENNED BETWEEN BUFFY AND ANGEL

Thanks to :

Buff

dalmatiangrl2

Blondiegrl

Thanks to everyone else who reviewed, it's nice to know that people read my story and take time to review


	4. Three Months Earlier

_It's easier to run_

_Replacing this pain with something numb_

_It's so much easier to go_

_Than face all this pain here all alone_

Angel didn't know where he was going, at least he had stopped running but he just kept walking. The way Buffy had looked at him had deeply distressed him. For a moment, he had forgotten all the pain and had sunk into her eyes, wishing he could find the peace he needed in them. Before it was too late, before he had completely lost himself into her again, he had done the only thing he was capable of, he had escaped. He had feared he wouldn't be strong enough and showed her his love just by looking at her. She had always been good at reading his emotions. He didn't know what to do about the situation. He was so shattered, only her could do that to him and he hated her for that. He hated her for making him feel that weak but he loved her with all his heart. She was his weakness but also his strength. Why was it always so complicated ?

Without realising it, he had reached the cemetery. There was no danger, it was sunny. He still wasn't used to the sun but his distress had made him forget about that little fact. He sat against a tree where Buffy and him used to sit, they would stay there and hold each other like their life depended on it. They shared so many memories here. He couldn't have thought for a moment that they would end up like that, they were so happy. He brushed that thought aside, it wasn't the time to think about the past, their perfect past. In the present, she hated him and he was trying unsuccessfully to hate her as well or at least to forget her. But, he wasn't so strong, and her new state had changed everything.

She had lost her memory! She didn't remember anything. He couldn't hurt her again like he had done a short while ago. He had felt her confusion and her pain, and it had saddened him more than he thought and especially more than it should have. He would try his best to ignore her but he didn't want to be mean to that Buffy. She looked so innocent, but he couldn't let her in his heart again. But he knew it would be really difficult, they could never be friends. He remembered Spike's words. _You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love until it kills you both. And you'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. _It would be difficult maybe impossible but he couldn't do anything else. He couldn't feel free to love her.. The words she had said to him three months earlier had still the same effect upon him. He should be able to hate her. He hated to love her.

He couldn't seem to fight those feelings. He felt like his wounds would never heal. He was living but at the same time felt so empty, it was almost like he was dead. His heart was bleeding and he knew this kind of pain would never pass unless he had her back in his life. He could have been happy if only it hadn't happenned. The only person who could heal him had lost her memory and when she would recover it, she won't give a damn about him.

**Flashback - Three months earlier**

**Los Angeles**

Cordelia was drinking coffee when she fell to the floor and started to scream, she was having a vision. Angel ran as fast as he could to get her.

"Are you all right ?" he asked concerned, she nodded massaging her head and taking the aspirin he was offering "What did you see ?" he asked anxious, they were so many people who needed help.

She didn't want to tell him because she knew it woul only get him hurt but it was her job and she had to do it "I saw Buffy...she was being attacked by a man or a vampire but it wasn't a demon, she looked quite injured"

"All right, I have to go there. I'll leave as soon as the sun set, it'll be in about an hour" he said, badly hiding his worry, he would arrive late at night when she usually patroled, he hoped she hadn't changed her habits.

"There is no way I'm letting you go there alone, I am coming with you. No need to argue, you are not going anywhere without me, mister" Cordelia declared. They had tried to join Buffy on the phone but couldn't reach her, they really had to go there fast.

Seeing the resolution on her face, he knew he couldn't argue. She was surprised he didn't try to dissuade her, but was also grateful because sometimes, he could be so stubborn. They waited for the sun to set and walked to his car.

**Sunnydale**

Buffy and the others had difficulty fighting Ramon, a demon with a human body. He fooled them at the begginning, by pretending he was nice and fighting on their side but he only wanted to learn their weaknesses. Buffy, Riley and Spike were going to track him down tonight. They still didn't trust Spike but with his chip, he didn't have anything better to do.

"I think it's time we split so we'll have more chances to find him. If anyone finds him, he screams to warn the others, ok?" the two men nodded, Buffy didn't want them to play hero and get killed. She still wasn't sure why she cared about Spike being killed though "We'll meet here in thirty minutes if we don't find anything"

They went in different directions and started to look for Ramon.

**In the car**

"Angel, slow down, we are going to get killed and it won't help Buffy !" Cordelia shouted, he was driving so fast.

He didn't even reply but as soon as she uttered Buffy's name, he increased the speed. He didn't want to arrive too late, if she was already dead, he would never forgive himself. Cordelia had her eyes shut during the route. When the car suddenly stopped, she opened them. They were in front of the cemetery she saw in her vision. They walked through the graveyard without speaking, but it wasn't an awkward silence.

Cordelia could feel the tension and anxiety coming from Angel. She knew that his love for Buffy was strong and she wished he didn't end up getting hurt, because she would be the one trying to put the pieces together. Every time he saw the slayer, he was on "full brood mode" as she called it. Love was supposed to bring peace and happinness but in their case it only brought more pain, confusion and loneliness...She didn't understand why life was so difficult on them. Even blind people could feel their love for each other but still Fate seemed to have other plans.

"Damn! Peaches and Miss Superficial, if I thought I would see you two together... What brings you to old Sunnydale? Life in the big city isn't exciting any more?" asked Spike surprising Cordelia and cutting her from her thoughts.

Angel only glared at him. He hadn't forgotten the time Spike had tortured him, he was seeking for revenge but unfortunately, now was far from being the best time.

"Where is Buffy?" He asked impatiently

"Only in town for two minutes and already asking for blondie" Spike replied mockingly

Angel didn't think twice and grabbed him by the collar with an unexpected strength, Spike was astonished but didn't let it show. Cordelia was enjoying the show.

"Listen to me, William, I don't have time for this shit so you had better tell me where she is" he growled

"Did you just calll me William ? Did you just swear ? Are you sure you are Angel ?" Spike replied mockingly again but the punch he received challenged him to joke again "She is somewhere there in the cemetery, she is looking for a demon named Ramon. Look, how lucky we are, he honoured us with his presence" he pointed a man who was approaching them.

Spike didn't have time to blink that Angel was already on the man beating him up like a madman or a mad vampire in this case. He had beaten him up until he was unconscious, lying under his weight. He was going to give him another punch, when a menacing and angry feminine voice was heard.

"What the hell do you think you are doing ?"

He didn't need to turn around, he knew exactly who this voice belonged to. He didn't even react when the owner of this familiar voice grabbed him and sent him flying, crashing against a tree. He tried to understand her reaction. What did he do wrong ? He knew she didn't want him here but that wasn't a reason to be so angry.

"Buffy" was all he could managed to say

She didn't bother to look at him, she went to the man on the grass, who was bleeding profusely. Angel had done a pretty good job on him.

"Oh my God, are you insane ? Stupid question, you must be. Why did you do that ? You think you can come back and kill my boyfriend ? Who the hell do you think you are ? What are you doing here any way ? Weren't you suppose to leave and never come back ?"

She stopped speaking and went back to Riley who was still unconscious but at least, he was breathing. Angel stayed still. He thought she was going out with Ramon but that was impossible. He understood Spike had fooled him, when he heard her call the man he had barely killed, Riley. He felt so stupid for trusting Spike lately and promised himself he would make him pay. He wanted to apologize and explained his behavior but he didn't find the right words and she wasn't ready to hear his apologize.

"Buffy, I'm..."

"You are what ? You are sorry ? I'm sick of hearing your apologies" she interrupted him then she approached him so their face were inches away "You are not welcome here any more. Get your ass out of MY town and never come back again, I don't need you and I never really needed you at all" she didn't know why, but she wanted to hurt him badly, just like he had done when he had left her "I love the man you nearly killed. You are the worst mistake I have ever made. How could I have been so stupid and loved a demon like you ?"

Angel just stared at her, putting his best unreadable mask. Her words had deeply hurt him but that was what she wanted and he wouldn't let her know she had succeeded. The pain he was feeling was worst than anything he had felt before. He knew he wouldn't be able to heal from this, she was everything to him and now she hated him only because of a misunderstanding. Why was life so complicated for him? He had never asked for all those things, he had never wanted to become a vampire, to have a soul, to fall in love with the slayer, to have the same woman let him feel love and then pure hatred...

Cordelia wanted to say something, to defend Angel, but didn't find the words. She stayed their speechless, silently cursing Spike and Buffy. She knew he would be like a wreck when they would returned to Los Angeles. She would do everything to help him feel better after all she was his best friend, he was like a brother to her, she hated seeing him like that.

"I'm honoured, one slayer, two vampires and two insignificant creatures" exclaimed Ramon approaching them "I see that someone already took care of that one" he added mockingly, pointing Riley

When he finished, he threw his sword in direction of the slayer who was in front of Angel.The latte rpushed her aside, she fell down and he received the sword two inches away from his heart. Buffy thought his heart was touched and couldn't describe the despair she felt but when she saw him running, she relaxed a little bit. In spite of the pain, he rushed to Ramon and punched him over and over again, without letting him the chance to reply. He was like trying to release his own pain by giving it to Ramon. Ramon took his demonic form but it didn't help him. After an important series of punches, Angel broke his neck in Angelus' way which was scaring. He took the sword from his chest and beheaded Ramon who exploded.

Without looking at anyone, he made his way to his car and took the driver seat. They all looked in his direction without moving.

Buffy couldn't help to notice, he had nearly been dust to save her even after all the horrible things she had just said to him. But, the anger she felt and also the pain were stronger.

"Well done, Angel, this thing called me insignificant, I can't believe..." started Cordelia

"I'm going home, Cordy. Get in the car, please" he nearly begged her, speaking very slowly with a strained touch of pain in his voice. He didn't want to break in front of them, especially not in front of Buffy, it would be like a reward to her.

Cordelia glared at Buffy murmuring bitch before getting in the car.

Buffy stood in place, she was so angry. She couldn't believe that he had come to her town and tried to kill her boyfriend.

"Look slayer, actually Angel didn't do it on purpose, I kind of told him that Soldier Boy here was Ramon" confessed Spike knowing he was risking his unlife

But instead of what he thought she would do, she only broke down and started crying hard. She couldn't believe that she had said those horrible things to him when she hadn't meant a word. But even if he had tried to hide it, she had felt his pain and couldn't feel the strength to confront him and to apologize. His eyes were so sad. He would only pushed her away, he hated her now and she had deserved it.

"Oh my God, what have I done ?" she sobbed

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." started Spike awkwardly

"Please, Spike, go away, let me alone, I don't want to see you again" she cried

He understood what she meant and he did as he was told, he left town.

**End of Flashback**

Remembering those things were so hard, he coudn't stop the tears from coming down. He felt so frustrated, he wanted to kill something. But, vampires or demons were never there when you needed them. He sat down and let the tears drop. He had fought so long to keep them. He still couldn't believe what was happening. She was there, innocent and he could start something new with her. And maybe when she would recover her memory, she would forget the deep hatred she had for him. He shook his head and wiped off his tears. He was surprised by his own stupidity. How could he think she would give him another chance ?

He had made his decision. He couldn't abandon her like that, she was helpless and technically hadn't done anything to him. He wouldn't be too close to her so she wouldn't be able to hurt him. He would help her and then go back to Los Angeles.

He walked back to Giles' apartment, trying to regain his cool.

**TBC** Please Review : It helps me write faster

**Thanks to :** ms.sarJe, urangel, Jaysgrl, crystalix, MaliciousAngelus, SpellMasters, savannah, wackycavegirl, Blondiegrl, buff, mickeyblueeyes


	5. Friends ?

Angel was standing in front of Giles' door the second time that day. He released a deep sigh and knocked on the door.

Cordelia rushed to the door and opened it.

"Are you okay ?" she asked worried

"Yeah, everything is just fine" he answered calmly, touched by her concern.

"So, what are you going to do ?"

"I'm weak, Cordy" he whispered "I'll patrol and protect her untill she gains her memory back. You can go back to Los Angeles if you want"

"You are not weak, you arebrave and I admire you, really. Like I said before, there is no way I am letting you here alone. I don't know what they could do to you, while you protect her, I will protect you" she kissed him on the cheek

He smiled at her and thanked her before going back to where he was standing before running away, he leant against the wall far from everyone. Buffy felt something strange when she saw the connection between the two. Could she be jealous ? No, she didn't even know him. He looked at Buffy and saw the worry in her eyes. He must have scared her.

"I'm sorry for lately, it won't happen again"

"Don't be, I'm sure you had every right to act like you did" she murmured gently, looking into his eyes, he turned his eyes away.

Why was he so afraid of letting her look into his eyes ? He intrigued her so much. She couldn't expect something more than friendship between them but it was a good start. He hated her, having him for a friend would be a great beginning. But she couldn't picture them being only friends. At least now, he could talk to her, he had even apologized. She couldn't help feeling happy. But she couldn't understand why.Why was the opinion of this man so important to her ?

Riley couldn't control his anger. _I'm sure you had every right to act like you did. _So she assumed he had every right to punch him. He was slowly losing her. Who was he trying to fool ? He had never had her at first, so he couldn't lose her. She had always belonged to this vampire who wasn't one any more. But he wouldn't let her go wihout fighting. A fight he knew he had already lost.

There was an awkward silence. They couldn't find anything to say. Everything was settled. Angel would patrol at night until she regains her memory. Buffy didn't want him to go, the only way was to not remember but she wanted so much to remember him and her life. She was so confused by him.

"Where are you going to stay ?" asked Willow breaking the silence. She looked at Cordelia then at Angel.

"The mansion is fine" answered Angel

"Are you crazy ? No way I am staying there" declared Cordelia

"I don't know, an hotel will be fine then" Angel answered still not looking at anyone and ignoring his friend's comment. He liked that place, maybe because of thememories Buffy didn't share with him any more.

"You can stay with me... I mean, stay at my house" offered Buffy hopefull, that way she would be able to learn more about him.

"What ? No way, he is not going home with you" exclaimed Riley.

Angel ignored him, he couldn't help the surprise in his eyes because of her proposition. He didn't know what to do, being with her could be dangerous. He looked at Cordelia "What do you think ?"

"Yeah, it's a good idea" she replied unsure

"Great, I have a spare room where one of you could stay and the other one can sleep on the sofa or maybe you two are together and you could sleep there together, I mean on the..." she babbled and started to blush, the idea of having him under her roof excited her.

"No way, I mean he is sexy and all but I like my men less tortured" Cordelia cut in, amused by Buffy's discomfort, she could like that Buffy. She looked so innocent and by the way she was looking at Angel, everyone except him could feel she was falling hard for him.

Sexy is an euphemism thought Buffy. He was the best looking man she had ever seen but it wasn't like she had seen a lot of them. But he was better looking than Riley, she still couldn't believe she was going out with Fish Boy. At first she didn't find him that bad, but since she had seen Angel, she only had eyes for him. He didn't even seem to notice.

Buffy suddenly thought of her family. Why was she living alone ? Didn't she have anyone who care about her ? She was grateful to have her friends but where were her parents?

"Where is my family ? Aren't they worried ?" she asked bluntly

She noticed their discomfort. What happened ? She wasn't so sure she wanted to hear the answer any more. Giles was the first to speak and to break the silence her question had caused.

"Buffy, I'm sorry..." she wanted him to stop talking "Your parents were divorced, you father still lives in Los Angeles but you didn't really keep in touch and your mother..." He cleared his throat "Your mother died one year ago from cancer" Hestill had pain when he thought of Joyce's death.

Buffy fought the tears but couldn't take it any more and cracked. She started to cry. She didn't remember her mother but still she couldn't help it.

"I'm sorry, I just feel like..." she sobbed

"You feel like you just lost her again" Angel completed, she looked at him surprised he could read in her so easily like an open book "There is no need to be sorry and don't try to hold back the tears, you'll feel better after" he said in a calming sweet voice

She did as she was told and cried. Angel couldn't take seeing her like that, he wanted to comfort her, to hold her, to kiss her. But it was too risky, holding her in his arms would only brought back memorieshe had fought too hard to forget.

Buffy went over the fact that she barely had a family. From what they had told her, it wasn't like her father cared about her. Fortunately she had her friends and was really grateful for that. They talked about a lot of things, they told her the most important things in her life but not with details. Giles told her she should remember alone, she was already sick of waiting. She wanted to rule her life again and she desperately wanted to know what had happened between Angel and her.

Xander and Cordelia were speaking in a corner of the room.The conversation had begun by Cordelia warning Xander about Angel, she didn't want him to annoy the ex-vampire. He had been surprised to see that she cared about another person, she had really changed and he wanted to know that Cordelia, the mature and sensitive one. They begun to develop a friendship. Xander didn't want to let their new understanding vanished so he promised he would let Angel alone if she accepted to stay in his apartment while she was in Sunnydale so he could learn to know her again. Feelings for him were coming back and he seemed more mature so she accepted.

They talked like that all day long. Giles was reading, he wanted to talk to Angel about his humanity but he thought that now wasn't the best moment. Angel was brooding as usual, he wasn't aware of what was happening around him, Willow tried to talk to him but his cryptic answers discourage her. It was obvious he didn't want to talk to any one.

Buffy wanted to go to him but she was afraid he would push her away so she didn't try. She was talking with Willow but it was obvious she was thinking about something else. Willow caught her sometimes glancing at Angel.

"Don't worry about him, he is always like that. He doesn't talk a lot" she tried to reassure her best friend

"What ? Oh, him...I was wondering what sort of relationship we had"

"A really complicated one, but it's not my place to tell you. You will have to ask him"

"I... I can't, he won't even look at me"

Willow understood her assumptions were right, Buffy was effectively falling in love with Angel. She hoped he would be able to forgive her. "Don't worry, talk to him" she replied with confidence. After all it was Angel, he could try to fool everyone but he couldn't fool his own heart, she was sure he still loved Buffy.

Bufy was surprised with her confidence and decided to trust her, tonight, she would talk to him. The only thought of being alone with him frightened her. She knew he couldn't hurt her physically but she feared he would hurt her emotionally by telling her who she really was, what she did to him and that he hated her. His eyes were so dark when he looked at her.

"I think it's time for everyone to go home. Buffy, I am sure you need to rest" Giles said, Buffy nodded. She hadn't thought of it before but she was really tired and all the information she had learned today had drained her. She was exhausted.

"You can't go home alone, I will walk you" offered Riley

"Thank you but you don't need to, yesterday Willow showed me the way and I remember it"

"It is dangerous outside, I can't risk to let you alone" Riley insisted, it was darkso vampires and demons could attack her.

"I won't be alone. I will be with Angel and ... sorry I didn't catch your name" she smiled apologically at the brunette

"Duh, how flattering ! Thanks a lot, I'm Cordelia and I'll stay at Xander's but it's not like you need me, Angel will protect you" the beautiful brunette replied, Xander smiled.

Angel looked at her with intensity. Did she just say that she was staying at Xander's ? That meant he was going to stay alone with Buffy... That only thought scared him because he didn't know if he would be able to hide his feelings for her. But he couldn't show her he was afraid of being alone with her, so he didn't say anything. He turned his eyes away and stared blankly at thewall oppositewondering why things were always so complicated.

Buffy only nodded, she wouldn't let them or him know that inside she couldn't contain her joy. She feared to be alone with him but at the same time, it was an opportuny she didn't want to miss. She would do everything to talk to him and she wouldn't let her so-called boyfriend destroy her plans. She looked at Angel, he didn't seem to notice so she called him

"Angel, are you ready to go ?"

"Yes" he replied without looking at her, she had said his name just like she used to. He stayed still for a while then moved in direction of Cordelia. He hugged her and murmured something in her ears so the others couldn't hear.

"_Letting me alone with her was a great idea" he whispered sardiscally, he didn't let her time to reply, he added "Be careful with him, if he makes you cry again, I will break his bones one by one" _

He let her go and made his way towards the door. She just looked at him smiling, he acted like a big brother and it didn't displease her. However the images of Xander being broken by him were not really pleasant. Any way, it was great to have someone who cared about you that much.

"Aren't you coming ?" Angel asked Buffy who was still on the sofa, she quickly got up and said bye to everyone. She reached the door and Riley spoke.

"Buffy, I don't want you to be alone with him, I don't trust him"

"I do" she simply said and couldn't believe how this felt right. Angel and every one else looked at her surprised. Did she mean what she just said ?

"How can you trust someone you don't even know ?" axclaimed Riley

"Look, Rodney, I don't know any of you. And I trust him, that's all" she was getting annoyed by him.

"My name is Riley" he replied hurt

"Oh, sorry... We will see you tomorrow, bye" she adressed the others before going out, letting a really surprised Angel behind her. He recovered, murmured bye to everyone and went out. He couldn't help smiling, she had forgotten her boyfriend's name.

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**Thanks to everyone who replied, please review and if you have some ideas feel free to share**


	6. First Memories

Buffy and Angel were walking slowly and quietly towards her house. She wanted to talk to him but couldn't think of anything to say. Each time she looked at him, he seemed to be lost in his thoughts and she was afraid she would only disturb him. He caught her looking at him but didn't know what to do. She must found him so strange, why was he so afraid of talking to her ? He had decided he would try to be friends. Friends talk.

"Are you okay ?" he asked, still looking forward, not able to look into her eyes yet.

She was so happy, he hald talked to her ! Stop it, Buffy. You're not a teenager any more and he is a man.

"I don't know, I guess I am. It's hard to forget everything but at least I have great friends to help me" she replied. Thinking about people to help her, she thought about her mother. "Angel, can we..can we go to the cemetery where my mother was buried ?" she asked hesitantly

"It's dangerous to go there at night, especially for you, you should wait for the sun to rise" he advised but if she insisted he couldn't refuse her that. He knew what it was to not have parents any more, at least she didn't kill hers.

"Please, I won't be long, I just want to see her grave. You know, I feel like it's not real, when I'll see it...please, plus you'll be there to protect me, right ?" she implored him

"All right" he whispered, she barely heard him. He changed direction and they made their way towards the cemetery.

"Thank you"

Buffy stood in front of her mother grave, Angel stayed behind her.

Joyce Summers

1960 - 2004

Beloved mother and friend

She didn't remember her mother but being in front of her grave brought back some feelings. She was sure she had dearly loved her mother. She cried without realising it until Angel took her in his arms. His arms felt so strong and comforting. He couldn't watch her cry, he had lost his will of being as far as possible from her and had encircled her with his arms. He didn't want to let her go but as usual someone had to interrupt them.

"Slayer" called a vampire. He wasn't alone, there was three of them. Angel placed Buffy behind him.

The vampire who had spoken, jumped on him and threw him a punch. Angel fought back but he didn't have any stake. He sent the first one flying but another one attacked him. This one had a sword and cut him on the ribs. Buffy watched the scene in front of her with terror, she was the damn Slayer, she was supposed to be strong but she was so frightened. Angel couldn't take the three vampires without weapons so he took Buffy's hand and they started to run in direction of her house.

They reached her house and locked themselves inside. Angel watched the vampires go away. He felt so ashamed, he hadn't been able to protect her. She could have been killed by his fault. He realised he was still holding her hand and let it go like it was burning him. Buffy couldn't help being hurt by his move but didn't let it show. He put his head on the door. She thought it was because he was suffering from his cut, she felt responsible.

"I'm sorry for putting you in danger" she apologized "I'll go get some bandages, take your jacket and shirt off"

He looked at her with disbelief. She had her back to him and was going to find the bandages so she didn't notice. She had exactly said the same thing when they had been chased by the Three and he was hurt. He pushed that thought aside and went into the kitchen where she was waiting for him.

"Are you ok ?" she asked concerned. He took off his shirt and she thought she had forgotten how to breath.

"I will survive" he answered with his famous half smile, noticing the way she was staring at him.

"Nice tatoo" she said trying to stop staring at his half naked body.

"You thought so" he smiled, he couldn't believe that was happening. It was like he was living the same day again. They were there like nothing had happened, like before when they could talk without being harsh to each other. He didn't want to interrupt their whatever it was even if it was bad, he shouldn't let her so close to him but he simply couldn't resist her.

She stepped closer to him and started to clean up his cut. She was shocked by the familiarity of her act. An image flashed in her head, it lasted a second but it was efficient. She saw herself, looking younger and Angel at the same place. She was also cleaning him up.

"I did that before !" she exclaimed "I remember" she was so happy, it was her first concretememory "I did that before, right ?" she hoped she hadn't created that memory.

"Yes" smiled Angel, happy for her. She had remembered something, it was great and she looked so pleased. She jumped on him, and realising what she had done, she stepped back, blushing.

"I'm sorry, I got too excited for a moment"

"It's ok" he replied, still not aware of how her touch had shooked him. A part of him didn't want her to stop but another didn't want her to touch him.

He put back his shirt. Buffy was looking everywhere but at him. She was so ashamed of her act but it had felt so right and he hadn't pushed her away. Maybe they could be something after all.

"I think you should call Giles tomorrow, and tell him you have remembered something" he broke the silence. He looked so calm, likenothing hadhappened, she wanted to break the mask he was wearing. Unfortunately she wasn't as good as him in hiding her feelings.

"Tell me about that day" she asked bluntly

"Uh..I don't think I should, Giles said you should remember alone" he said awkwardly. He didn't feel like talking to her about their past. Buffy somehow sensed it wasn't only because of Giles, so she insisted.

"But I remember this one so you can tell me what happened" He looked at her and realized she wasn't going to let him go without getting what she wanted. She reminded him of Cordelia.

"You were fighting three vampires, they were winning and I helped you but we couldn't have defeated them so we took shelter in your house. I was hurt, you cleaned me up just like you did today"

"That's all ?" she asked without hiding the deception in her voice. She din't know what she was expecting but maybe something that could havehelpep her to understand their relationship.

"Yeah" he murmured, not understanding the tone of her voice. What did she want to know ? She realised she wouldn't obtain anything else from him if she didn't ask.

"Angel, I.. I was wondering... what kind of relationship we had" as soon as she asked her question, his eyes darkened. He wasn't ready to answer that but he couldn't help all the anger that rose inside of him. He knew it wasn't her fault but still the anger was stronger than his reason. Buffy thought she wouldn't get her answer but after a long time he replied.

"Anything but friends" he said sharply. Buffy looked at him, without understanding. What did he mean by that ? She wanted to know.

"Were we..ennemies ?" she asked, scared of his sudden change of attitude.

"It happened" Angel smiled at her first proposition.

"Why are you protecting me, then ?" she had thought that talking to him would have make things clearer but on the contrary, it only blurred things and made them harder to understand.

_Because I can't stop loving you_, he thought bitterly. "Because you need protection and stop asking questions, the answers are not still good to hear" he quicky changed subject "You need to rest, you must be tired"

"Were we lovers ?" she asked with more confidence. She wouldn't let him know that he impressed her.

Angel stared at her, she could see the hurt in his eyes for a moment, she couldn't stand seeing him like that when she knew that she may be responsible but she had to know. Angel was lost in their past, the memories were overwhelming him. He fought back the tears, he couldn't break, especially not in front of her but each time she mentionned their past, it was so hard. He turned his back to her. Seeing that she couldn't get anything more from him and that she shouldn't push him, she moved towards the stairs and asked him to follow her. They stood in front of her mother's room.

"You'll be sleping here. Do you need anything else ?"

_Yes, you_ but instead he shooked his head and entered the room "Goodnight, Buffy" he din't let her time to reply and shut the door behind him. She stayed against his door for several minutes.

She then thought she was crazy and went into her own room. While she was with Angel, she had forgotten how tired she really was. She sunk into her bed and immediately felt asleep. Angel, on the opposite couldn't sleep. He was fighting so hard to not go into her room and watched her sleep. He had always liked doing that. She was so beautiful when she was asleep, she looked peaceful and innocnet. She looked like an angel. He felt so weak, he thought he would have been able to resist her but only one day and he was already crazy about her. The most important thing was to hide it, he didn't want to let her hurt him again when she would recover her memory. He could have tried a relationship with her now but it would be like he was using her, she wasn't really herself.

Thinking of her drove him crazy, he wanted her and he hated himself for that. He hated to love her. He couldn't resist any longer so he got up and got dressed. He walked throught the corridor and stopped in front of her door. He wanted so bad to enter but he couldn't. He walked away and went out of the house. He definitely needed some air and some time alone, especially far from her. He walked and headed towards the cemetery. When he was about to go back, he heard a scream. Finally some action, he really needed to unwind.

* * *

In the morning, when Buffy woke up, she looked at her clock : 9:15 am. She had slept well, she made her way towards Angel's room but it was still closed and she didn't feel like waking him up. She went into the bathroom, took her shower and headed downstairs to eat breakfast. She had prepared breakfast for Angel too. At first, she had waited for him, but hehadn't come down so she had eaten. She went into the living-room to watch some TV. She began to feel really bored and realised it was already midday. She decided to wake up Angel. 

She went upstairs and stopped in front of his door. How would he react ? She quietly entered the room and was surprised and frightened to find it empty. Where was he ? He could be any where, hurt. She was so worried. She ran to the phone and called Giles.

"Giles, it's me, Buffy. Do you know where Angel is ?" she asked panicked. _Please, let him know where he is._

"No, I thought he was with you" asnwered Giles

"No, his room is empty" she replied sadly

"Don't worry, Buffy. Angel can take care of himself. Come to my house, I'll call the others" he said calmly trying to reassure his slayer.

She put down the receiver and went into her room to find a coat. Her attention got caught by a box. She took it and opened it. She found familiar things in it. She unintentionally took the cross she had around her neck in her hands. She closed her eyes like she wanted to memorise the souvenir that came into her mind.

_"Ah, heh. Is there a problem, ma'am? " Angel asked_

_"Yeah, there's a problem. Why are you following me? "_

_"I know what you're thinking. Don't worry, I don't bite" She backs off and lets him get up, but keeps her fighting stance. _

_"Truth is, I thought you'd be taller, or bigger muscles and all that. You're pretty spry, though" he said massaging his neck _

_"What do you want ?" _

_"The same thing you do"_

_"Okay. What do I want ?" she replied letting down her guard_

_"To kill them. To kill them all" he answered stepping toward her _

_"Sorry, that's incorrect. But you do get this lovely watch and a year's supply of Turtle Wax. What I want is to be left alone!" She started a determined walk away. _

_"Do you really think that's an option anymore? You're standing at the Mouth of Hell. And it's about to open" She stopped, turned to him and looked at him with a wide-eyed gaze. He reaches into his jacket and pulls out a small box. _

_"Don't turn your back on this" he tossed her the box "You've gotta be ready"_

_"What for?" _

_"For the Harvest"_

_"Who are you? "_

_"Let's just say... I'm a friend" he started to leave _

_"Yeah, well, maybe I don't want a friend"_

_Angel turned back "I didn't say I was yours" _

_He left. Buffy stared after him for a moment, then opened the box. It contained a silver cross and chain_

She was so happy, she remembered another thing. It seemed to be her first meeting with Angel. Her second souvenir about him. She continued to touch the things she had found, and they all felt like Angel. She hoped she would remember another thing if possible everything. She was tired of trying to understand her own life. Why did she keep all those things ? They must meant something for her. She touched the jacket in it.

_"Well! Look who's here!" _

_"Hi" replied Angel _

_"I'd say it's nice to see you, but then we both know that's a big fib"_

_"I won't be long" _

_"No, you'll just give me a cryptic warning about some exciting new catastrophe, and then disappear into the night. Right ?" _

_"You're cold" _

_"You can take it" _

_He took of his jacket "I mean, you look cold" He put his jacket around her shoulders_

It was Angel's jacket, he had given it to her. She only hadmemories about Angel. She hoped she would also find why she did to upset him that much. She had almost forgotten that he was missing and that the others were waiting for her at Giles'. She grabbed a coat and rushed towards his house.

Giles had called everyone except Riley but he came any way because he thought he would find Buffy there. Cordelia was trying to reach Angel on his cell phone but he didn't pick up. She was really worried. Plus, Buffy should have been there a long time ago. What was she doing ?

**TBC **

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I'm sorry it took me so long to update but with school I don't have enough time left. If you read**

**PLEASE REVIEW it really helps me to write faster.**


	7. Missing Angel

Buffy was standing in front of Giles' door hoping she would find Angel there. When she had called her watcher, she was so worried about the ex-vampire that she had forgotten to tell him that she had remembered some things from her past. She didn't remember everything but all these things were about Angel. She was so happy, maybe there was a chance that she would recover her memory after all. She brushed those thoughts aside, released a deep sigh and knocked on the door.

Willow was the one to open the door again, she gave her a reassuring smile. They went into the living-room where everyone was waiting. Buffy noticed Angel was still missing. As soon as Cordelia saw her, she got up.

"What did you do to him ?" she madly asked, glaring furiously at her.

"Nothing, I swear we were attacked, we ran and we made it home. We just talked then we went to bed and..."

"What ? You already slept together !.. I can't believe it" Cordelia rolled her eyes

"No! He slept in another room but it is none of your bussiness" Buffy blushed "So, I was saying that we went to bed and when I woke up, his room was empty" she tried to say it in a calm voice but she failed.

"I tried to call him but he won't pick up. I'll try another time" responded the brunette calmly, realising that there was no point in arguing with Buffy who was already too worried. She took her phone and dialed the familiar number she had at least called twenty times the last hour. And as expected, nobody answered. She took a mental note to teach him _again _how to use it or how to charge it.

"He disappears just as I rembember him" said Buffy in a sad tone talking to herself, forgetting that no one except Angel knew and he didn't even know everything.

"WHAT ?" they all said at the same time looking at her who looked embarrassed.

"You remember Angel ?" asked Willow excited

"Yes, well, only some souvenirs" answered Buffy smiling and kind of proud.

"That's great" sincerily said Giles, she sounded relieved. She needed her memory back, she couldn't stay in the dark for too long.

"Don't you remember anything else ?" asked Xander with a little anger and jealousy. Dead Boy hadn't been in her life for so long but still he was the one she remembered.

"No, sorry but I don't really remember him, just some souvenirs of us"

Xander was about to reply but Cordelia looked at him and he remembered his promise.

"You remember souvenirs when you were together ?" asked Willow

"I knew it !" exclaimed Buffy with a bright smile "He wouldn't tell me but unfortunately no" she finally had her answer, there was no way they couldn't have been together "I don't remember our time together. I remember the first time we met, the time we were chased by the Three and that I was cleaning him up, and the time he gave me his jacket. That's all" she sadly finished, she was happy to remember that but she wanted more. She had totally forgot Riley but she just couldn't see herself with him. She ignored the hurt she was causing him but he was deeply hurt, he tried not to show it by keeping his calm.

"It is already a good beggining" said Willow happy for a friend, since she had lost her memory, only Angel could make her smile, she hoped he wouldn't be missing for too long.

* * *

Angel was lying on the floor incapable of moving. He was bleeding profusely, they didn't go easy on him. He didn't know who they were or why they captured him. Every inch of his body was aching. Now that he was human, it was easier for him to feel the pain. But fortunately he wasn't completely human because he could not have survived this pain. He moved his head with difficulty and obseverd his surrounding. He was locked in a white cell. He saw the camera and turned his head towards the bed. He tried to get up but didn't succeed. They must be enjoying this view, he bitterly thought. Everything except his clothes and his blood was white. The bed was clean but he couldn't reach it. He stayed on the floor, over his blood. He felt so powerless. 

He wouldn't let them know they had come close to kill him, he would wait until he was healed. Now he needed to rest before taking his revenge. He didn't know how long he had been there but it must have been a long time. His cuts were already starting to heal. He didn't understand why they locked him up instead of killing him when they had the opportunity. He knew they were humans, he had also noticed their uniform when they had fought. He could have taken them one by one but they attacked together, at least 10 men, tiring him, plus they had weapons. He wondered if Buffy was worried but he sure knew that Cordy was. His cell phone was broken, he couldn't even call them. He tried hard to stay awake but he was so tired and in pain that he slowly fell into a restless sleep.

_Two men were watching the screen where we could see a lying Angel in his cell._

"I don't understand this, he is human, why did we have to capture him ?" asked a young man

"Don't worry about this, there is a reason you don't need to know" answered the black man next to him

"He fought really well" said another man, massaging his head, he was quite impressed by the man lying before them.

"I should call Riley" said the black man "Call me if there is a problem" he added before getting out

* * *

Riley had been rather quiet, he didn't know what to say or think. He was hurt that she wouldn't even remember him or even his name but remember her ex. When she had learned that they were together, she didn't even react but looked a little disappointed but a past with Angel was enough to make her happy. 

The ex-vampire was missing, he knew where he was. He was responsible for his disappearance. He couldn't handle losing his girlfriend to him so he had called the Initiative to explain Angel's situation. And as he had expected, they were really interested in how he had regained his humanity. Their interest in him made him jealous but he would have done anything to get rid of him. When they heard his name, they found that he was the famous Angelus, the Scourge of Europe, it only increased their interest and his jealousy. At first when they had told him that they would capture him, he had been the happiest man alive because he had thought Buffy would have more interest in him. But now, when he saw her dead worried about her ex, he couldn't bear seeing her hurt like that. He found himself regreting what he had done. He started to realise that he had no way of getting Buffy back or to have her at all because she had always belonged to someone else. He was brought back to reality when his cell phone rang. Everyone turned to look him, he picked up.

"Yes, it is Riley, who did you think it was ?...nevermind, what happened ?...(a really long pause)...I'm coming.

Riley kept his cell phone on his hand and stared at it, from Forrest description, there was no doubt, it was Angel. They had captured him, he should be happy. Forrest told him was that he was a great fighter, he had been really hard to capture which didn't surprise Riley. He should be really pleased, his problem was out of his way but strangely he felt bad, like he had betrayed Buffy.

He was in his own world, he didn't see the questionning glances of the others. He didn't know what to do, he could let him there, they would make experiments on him but it wouldn't be right. He really hated him but deep down he knew that he didn't deserve that. He shouldn't have done what he did, he was really starting to regret his act. But what if it was already too late ? He sighed and got out of the apartment without looking at anyone. He had taken his decision, they didn't need to know now, after all they would learn it later and hate him anyway. He had to do it alone. Wanting to deliver him was one thing but actually succeeding was another thing.

"What just happenned ?" asked Xander looking at the door where Riley had just left

"I don't know but actually I don't care" answered Cordelia

"She is right, we have another problem...like finding Angel" agreed Buffy

"Did you just say that I was right ?" asked Cordelia bewildered

The petite Slayer rolled her eyes "Any one has a suggestion ?"

"You used to go to a bar to find informations" said Willow

"Do you know where it is ?" continued the blond still saddened by the fact she couldn't even rememberr her habits. But now wasn't the time to complain.

"Yes, I could show you" answered the red head

"Great, we are going, see you later" she adressed the others

"Wait, I'm coming with you" said Xander

"Me too" added Cordelia, everyone looked at her "What? I want to help Angel and it's not like I have other things to do"

They got out of Giles' appartment who suddenly felt alone. One minute they were all there, the next he was alone. He sat down on his sofa and continued reading.

* * *

Riley was in front of the Initiative, he entered and went into the place Forrest had indicated him. He found him in front of a screen where he could see a man he recognised as Angel, lying unconscious on the floor. He suddenly found himself wishing Angel was not dead, memory or not, Buffy would kill him. His friend hadn't seen him yet, he seemed absorbed by what he was seeing. 

"Forrest" Riley placed a hand on his friend's shoulder making him start.

"Hey, man" Forrest greeted him before returning his eyes to the screen "Did you get your girl ?"

Riley ignored him "I need your help" he said in a helpless tone

"What for ?" asked his friend worried, Riley had never asked for help like this before

'To deliver him" he said pointing the screen

"Are you crazy ? You were the one to ask to capture him"

"I was a fool thinking that she would come back to me"

"Oh it's because of her. Does she know what you did ?"

"No" he didn't want to talk about Buffy, it hurt too much "Look Forrest, I really need your help, I made a mistake and I want to repair it"

Forrest noticed that he was truly sorry and couldn't let one of his friend like that "Count me in, do you have a plan ?"

"Does Mr Walsh already know he is here ?"

"Yes, she will be here in about an hour"

"We have to take him now" Riley said quickly "We will tell her that it wasn't the right man"

"Alright, sounds like a good plan, not too dangerous" agreed Forrest "Come on"

He made his way to Angel's cell with Riley following him. They stood in front of the cell, none of them moving.

"Are you sure you want to do this ?" demanded Forrest

"Never been more sure, he doesn't deserve this" replied Riley, both surprised and shocked bythe sincerity of hisanswer

Forrest took the key and opened the cell, they went into it.

"Thank you Forrest, I just need you to help me bring him to my car"

"Allright" responded his friend, taking Angel's rightarm while Riley took the left part. Angel didn't woke up.

Riley noticed all the blood on the floor and felt bad. What had he done because of jealousy ? He felt so stupid. They arrived to his car, placed Angel on the passenger's seat, he thanked Forrest again and took the driver's seat. Forrest want back into the Initiative to wash the blood and talk to the others who helped him capture Angel. Riley took a last glance at Angel before starting to drive. Where were they going ? He didn't know yet. He suddenly remembered the mansion they mentionned when they first arrived. It was on Crawford Street. He drove until he reached it.

* * *

Buffy and the others went back to Giles'. Willy hadn't been able to help them, he didn't know whe he was. They knocked on the door and Giles opened. 

Seeing their face he said "You didn't find anything I presume"

"Nothing at all" responded Buffy kind of discouraged and really tired, she sat down.

"But you should have seen me, a real man" said Xander proudly, he had been the one to threaten Willy "Buffy didn't remember how to get informations, she asked politely, it was so funny" Buffy rolled her eyes, how was she supposed to know that she frightened the man to get informations ?

"You should all get home and come back tonight, you sound tired" Giles said ignoring Xander, they all agreed to come back at 10 pm and went back home.

* * *

Riley parked the car in front of the mansion. He carried Angel inside and put him on the bed. He wasn't bleeding any more. Riley took off the ex-vampire's shirt and started to clean the blood. There was no cut which surprised him. He made his way to Buffy's home to get him clothes. He hoped she was still at Giles'. 

He arrived at her home, went into the room Angel was sleeping and took some clothes. When he was about to get out, he heard a noise...Buffy was opening the door. He panicked, what would he say if she found him with Angel's clothes in his hands ? He remembered the window in her bedroom. He silently went into her room and jumped. He started to run to his car.

Buffy thought she had heard a noise and wished it was Angel but the house was empty. She went into her bedroom to rest.

Riley arrived at the mansion and made his way to Angel. He found him still asleep. He put his clothes on the other side of the bed and started worrying about how Angel would react. He didn't think of it before but he could kill him. No, he wasn't like that. He was brought back to reality when Angel moved. He suddenly wanted to hide. No, he was a man and would assume what he had done, even how stupid it was. Angel slowly woke up and open his eyes.

* * *

TBC **PLEASE REVIEW** : **it helps me write faster, I really need your opinion and your advice **

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed previously, I really liked it, keep on reviewing, thanks**


	8. Delivrance, New Friendship ?

When Angel woke up, he was both shocked and surprised to see Riley first thing. He could have imagined anything but that. The young man before him was curiously silent. Angel looked around him, and found himself in his bed, in his mansion. How did he end up there? Why wasn't he anymore in the cold white cell? He had so many questions but looking at Riley, he was quite sure that the young man had answers.

He realised that Riley had cleaned his wounds and had brought clothes for him. Why hadn't he brought him back to Buffy's house? He didn't feel the pain any more, he was already healed. He slowly got up so now he was facing Riley.

"What happened ?" he asked in a low, firm voice

"I...I am sorry" was all Riley could utter, at this moment, he was really impressed by Angel

"I don't care about your apologies. What the hell happened ?" He asked again, slowly losing his calm. Riley looked up and made eye contact with the ex-vampire. There was no way he was getting out of there without answering. And when he would answer, there was also a chance, he would not get out of here either, at least not in good shape. But he had decided to act like a man and to assume his errors.

"I informed the Initiative, it's a..."

"I know what it is, go on" interupted Angel impatiently

"I told them about you and they were realy interested in how you became human again. They wanted to make experiments on you. That's why they capture you, it's all my fault. I'm sorry" Riley told him and stepped back.

"Why are you stepping back ? Do you think I will hurt you ?" Angel growled

Riley was shocked by his questions. He didn't want to hurt him ? But his voice was too menacing, the young man didn't approach.

"If you thought that than you are...definitively RIGHT" Angel said empaphising the word right by hitting Riley on the face. His fist connected several times with Riley's face and stomach. Finally, he pushed him away, realising how bad he was bleeding.

"Go, clean yourself and don't try to run away" He wasn't finished with him yet, he wanted to know why he had really done that. He knew that the boy hated him but there had got to be another reason. Riley entered into the bathroom, he felt so ashamed, he didn't even protect himself. When he had decided to tell Angel the truth, he knew the consequences and was ready to assume them. Once he finished cleaning himself up, he went back into Angel's room only to find it empty. He found it strange and made his way towards the front door where he found Angel in the living-room. He was sat on a couch, visibly tense.

"Come on, Riley" he heard him say calmly. Riley sat on the opposite couch. They stayed still for a long moment before Angel finally broke the silence

"How did I get out of the Initiative ?" Riley shifted uncomfortably from his position on the couch, he felt unneasy but more confident when he saw taht Angel wasn't about to fight him now. He already had a black eye but nothing serious.

"I realised that I had made a mistake by telling them about you"

"You were the one who took me out of there?" Riley only nodded. He noticed a serious look appear on Angel's face, he looked like he was alone in the world, wondering about something Riley could not guess.

Angel locked eyes with Riley. He had at first wanted him dead but when they had captured him, he had realised his mistake and delivered him. He had no clue how to react about that. Sure he had nearly got him dead but he had risked his life, his job to save him. He took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry for lately, you were a big moron but thank you for saving my life" Riley couldn't believe his ears "By the way, why did you do it?"

His question was simple and Riley knew the answer but he didn't want to tell him. Unfortunately, he was forced to reveal his true feelings. He looked down and answered.

"I know that you are not a bad guy, I only did it because I was jealous"

Angel had to force himself not to laugh. He was jealous. Jealous of what ? Buffy had told him that she loved the guy, she was only confused at the moment because she didn't remember anything. But if she did, she wouldn't even laid her eyes on him any more, she hated him, she told him clearly.

"You have no idea what you're talking about. There is no need to be jealous. She hates me and she loves you" he answered in a low voice, filled with regret.

On the other side, Riley couldn't help the laugh that escaped from his lips. Angel glared at him, misunderstanding his laugh.

"Are you kidding ? She never loved me but she never stopped loving you" Riley said with a sad tone and at the same time an accusating one. He would have done anything to be loved by Buffy. He loved her so much.

Angel looked at the man in front of him like he was a fool but remembered that he was unconscious when everything happened, when she shattered his soul.

"Believe me, you don't know what you are talking about but listen to me. When she will recover her memory..."

"If she does" interupted Riley

"When she will remember her memory" continued Angel, ignoring him "you are going to be by her side, and never let her go. If you hurt her..."

"Stop" interupted Riley, this time more violently "You are the one who doesn't know what he is talking about! Where were you the last three months ? I was there. You didn't see her state, I saw it, she was so sad...I tried to help her, she didn't want me here, she wanted you but you left her. Who are you to tell me not to hurt her when you are the one who hurt her the most ? You left scars which are never going to heal. She will love you forever. Before she lost her memory, she wanted us to break up" he finished, not knowing what he had reveal the last part.

Angel stared his so-called ennemy. He was surprised by his outburst. He stayed still, waiting for Riley to calm down. His words echoed in his head. What if he was right? Did she really still love him? Was he strong enough to try again ? That was the real question. He didn't know if he would be able to survive another reject.

"Do the others know that you delivered me?" he preferred to change subject, Riley was grateful for that but this subject wasn't really better.

"They don't even know that I was responsible for your disappearance" he whispered

"Then they won't know"

"What ?" exclaimed Riley, visibly surprised

"Do you want them to stop trusting you? I don't think so" He got up and looked at his watch, it was 9:15 pm "We will tell them that the Initiative captured me and you saved me, all right?"

"Why are you doing that? I thought you hated me"

"I thought you did the same" was his short response "I don't have to explain it to you but they won't know. I am going to take a shower then we will go to Giles'"

He went into the room to take the clothes that Riley had put on his bed and went into the bathroom. Riley stayed in the living-room, not knowing how to react to this news, the others wouldn't know what he did. He din't understand why Angel was helping him but he was grateful. He waited for the ex-vampire.

The ex-vampire made his way towards the bathroom. He wasn't doing this favour to Riley but to Buffy. He didn't want her to know what happened. When she would recover her memory, she would continue her life as if nothing happened. Even if she didn't love him any more, she wouldn't be pleased to learn that her boyfriend had nearly gotten him dead.

**

* * *

**

Buffy was in her bedroom, she had slept for the past few hours. She looked at the clock, it was already 9:30 pm. She had to be at Giles' at 10 pm. She got up and went into the bathroom trying to forget Angel. She hoped he was still alive and not missing.

* * *

Angel had finished, he was getting dressed but he couldn't believe that was the clothes that Riley had picked. He was wearing his leather pants, his red silk shirt and his leather jacket. He absolutely looked like Angelus: wild, dangerous and sexy. But he liked these clothes, they suited him perfectly, he felt good in them. He went into the living-room. Riley looked at him with a strange feeling of jealousy, the man was hot. He stopped staring when he noticed the look Angel was giving him. 

"Are you ready ?" Angel asked him, he got up.

"Angel ,I wanted to thank you"

"What for ?"

"For not telling the others"

"I am not doing it for you"

That was the last words spoken during the drive. We could only hear the radio.

_Sometimes, things just seem to fall apart  
When you least expect them to  
Sometimes you want to pack up and leave behind  
All of them and all their smiles _

I don't know what to think anymore  
Maybe things will get better  
Maybe things will look brighter  
Maybe

Sometimes, people surprise you  
And people surprise me  
Well I guess that's the price we pay  
For wanting so badly

* * *

Everyone had arrived at Giles'. Cordelia had tried to callAngel again but no one answered. They were so worried, they didn't even realised that Riley was missing. Buffy was looking through the window, she hadn't spoken since she had arrived. Willow was worried about her. She seemed so lost. 

Buffy couldn't understand her feelings. She barely remembered the man, who by the way hated her, but she couldn't stop thinking of him. Could it be love? She was lost in her thoughts when a knock on the door was heard. She turned her head towards the door but didn't move.

As usual, Willow was the one to answer. She opened the door and gasped in surprise. She let the two men enter into the apartment. Everyone looked at them. Buffy wanted to jump on Angel and hug him but she couldn't move. Cordelia, on the other hand, didn't hesitate. She threw herself at him, nearly making him fall, he smiled.

"Good to know you missed me"

"I was dead worried" she said hugging me "Where were you?" she finally let him go. Everyone in the apartment looked at him.

Riley looked down. He didn't know what to think. No one seemed to care he was there. Angel realised the discomfort of the young man beside him and strangely felt sorry for him.

"I'm still waiting for an answer. Why are you with him by the way?" she said, throwing a disgusted look at Riley.

"Because he saved me" Angel responded, not feeling the shame he thought he would. Maybe he didn't hate the guy after all, it was just because he had what he had always wanted, Buffy. Without that, he could have liked the guy..or maybe not.

At his answer, they all look bewildered, waiting for him to explain. He didn't want to talk but felt like he had to.

"I was captured by the Initiative. When Riley saw me, he delivered me. End of the story" he said, clearly pointing the fact he didn't want to talk about it. Cordelia noticed it and took a mental note to ask him about this again later, when there will be only the two of them. Now she was too glad he was back.

"Any way, what's important is that you are back, thank you Riley. We were really worried, I think we all need to relax. What about the Bronze ?" She proposed, Angel looked at her. He really didn't want to go "You can't refuse. Plus you are dressed to kill" she smiled

"Very funny" He answered, not amused which only increased her smile. Buffu couldn't help staring at him.

"I didn't ask for your advice, you are coming, end of the story" she replied imitating him "Are you all ready?" she asked the others. They all nodded except Giles.

"I will let you, young people party and I'll stay here. Good night and I'll see you tomorow"

They went out of his apartment and walked towards the Bronze.

**TBC ?**

**PLEASE REVIEW**

_Lyrics by Grey Daze - Sometimes_

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**Veronica :** thank you very much but I don't have enough time with school and all, anyway I will try to update sooner

**sarah** : I don't hate Riley, I just hate his relationship with Buffy but he is not that bad. I didn't think of Willow lol but thank you, Oz will make an appearance. I think Cordy and Xander too because they have both changed and they are more mature. I'm glad you like my story

**buffynangelforever **: thank you for reviewing, I'm glad you like it.

**lessthanangelic1 **: You were right it was too much to make him kill him, I hope you liked how I made them solve their problems but sure they will never be friends. Don't worry, no way she is going to remember by hitting her head again. Thank you, it was nice reading your random babbling like you called it.

**Heather **: Thank you for reading, reviewing and liking my story.

**Jess **: Like I said before to lessthanangelic1, killing was a little too much. I don't want Angel to kill humans, even Riley. Thank you for thinking that it's a good work, it's my second fanfic, the first one was bad... I'm glad you like this one.

**Fanficer Lore** : You will have to wait a little longer for that answer...I don't really know myself. Thank you for reviewing.

**Celena **: Thank you, I'll try to update sooner

**urangel** : I thought too that it would be a good idea to make Buffy only remember Angel. I didn't want to make Riley stupid because he isn't. There will definitely be more b/a in the next chapters. **THANK YOU** very much for often reviewing. You are reviewing since the beggining of this story, I really appreciate.

**miteymel **: I hope the ending is not too soon, I want to write a long story but what do you think? Should I end it soon? Thank you for reviewing.

**never look back** : I didn't want character bashing either, thank you for reviewing. What do you think of what happened between the two of them ?

**carmen : **thanks for reviewing, I'm glad you like my story but I don't hate Riley and I think he is not a bad guy, he just can't replace Angel, poor him..

**nonsda05 **: thanks, I hope you liked this chapter too


	9. Jealousy, Our Song, Our Kiss

The walk towards the Bronze was surprisingly merry. Cordelia and Xander were walking ahead, talking and smiling. Xander couldn't express what he was feeling, it had been so long since he had seen Cordelia and finding her so mature, beautiful, nice... He thought of her as a gift and didn't want to lose her again. Cordelia hoped he wouldn't do the same mistake as before and was on cloud nine. It had been a long time since she had felt so happy. Xander took her hand and she happily accepted it. They kept on walking without turning their heards to see what was happening behind them.

The four others were following them. Angel was happy Cordy had finally found someone she liked. He didn't understand why she had to pick Xander but any way if she was happy, it was all right with him. If the boy broke her heart, he would personnally take care of him. He was walking with his hands in his pocket and smiling. Buffy took a glance at him and noticed his smile. She couldn't help realising that smiling he was really beautiful. He returned the glance but his smile vanished, he just looked at her. Embarassed by his stare, she looked down. Riley was walking silently near them, observing them. And even as different as they were, they looked perfectly fine together, he couldn't deny it. Willow, on the other hand, had a bright smile on her face. She was looking forward to arriving to the Bronze as soon as possible.

"What's with the smile, Willow ?" asked Buffy

"Uh, nothing" she replied with a dreamy face

"You don't have a nothing face, you have a something face"

As soon as she uttered those words, Willow and Angel looked at her with surprise in their eyes. Angel quickly looked away and Willow smiled at her.

"What did I say?"

"You used to say that everytime you wanted someone to tell you something"

"Oh..So what's with the smile?"

"I can't wait to see my boyfriend, that's it" she blushed

"I didn't know you had one! How is he ?"

They talked about Oz until they arrived to the Bronze. His band, Dingoes Ate My Baby was performing tonight. Angel couldn't help thinking that even without her memory, she was still the Buffy he knew and loved. Not exactly, she was the Buffy he had known but she had changed.

"Come on, guys, hurry up" shouted Xander who was already in front of the entrance of the Bronze with Cordelia

The others walked faster and rejoined them. They walked into the Bronze and sat at a table. They started to chat about everything and anything. Willow was staring at Oz. They had been perfoming for about 30 minutes now, he would join them after their lastsong. Angel wasn't aware of what was happening around him, he just looked into space. Buffy wasn't doing any better, she took some glances at him but he seemed too absorb in whatever he was looking that she looked at the stage. Willow's boyfriend seemed nice she thought andto be inlove with the red head too. She could tell by the way he was looking at her. Riley was also in the beggining looking at Buffy but since she didn't pay attention to him, he was looking forward him. Cordelia and Xander were the only one chatting and smiling.

The music stopped for a moment but except Willow, Cordelia and Xander, the others didn't notice. Oz joined them at their table. He was greeted by everyone and sat. Music started to play. Xander asked Cordelia to dance and Oz asked Willow. They went on the dance floor. Which left only Angel, Riley and Buffy at the table. Buffy wanted to dance, no she wanted to dance with Angel but she didn't want to hurt Riley. But Angel didn't pay attention to her so she stayed calm, maybe next time.

The song ended and the others came back. Angel looked forward him at the bar. They all noticed him for some strange reason.

"Angel, you want a drink ?" asked Willow

"Shoulnd't I be the one to ask you that ?" He replied without looking at her, he kept his eyes at the same point.

"Why are you looking at the bar, then?" asked Cordelia, he just shrugged and smiled.

Buffy knew why he was looking there, she couldn't help the feeling that was overwhelming her. She was jealous, he had been staring at some blond bimbo who of course had responded to his stare. How could she not ? He was hot as hell. Why did he affect her so much ?

"Riley, do you want to dance ?" asked Buffy looking at her so-called boyfriend

"I'd love to" he took his hands and they went to the dance floor.

"Do you guys want something to drink ?" asked Angel, feeling that he had to do something to get rid of his increasing jealousy.

"I'd like some water please" answered Cordelia, the others didn't want anything.

He got up and found himself in front of the blond he had been staring at. She smiled at him and touched his hand. He knew he was good looking, especially in those clothes. He didn't have to do anything to have girls, most of the time, looking atthem and smiling was enough.

"Do you want something, baby?" she asked, approaching him so their face were inches away

"Water, please" he answered not breaking the distance, he could have some fun tonight after all. She turned, took a glass of water and put it near him.

"Don't you want something else ?" she asked sexily. He looked at her and noticed that she was really beautiful but he didn't want to sleep with her, just flirt. He advanced his head so their lips were touching.

"I just want a kiss"

"Just a kiss ?" she asked disappointed. He didn't reply but kissed her. It wasn't just some kiss, he kissed her with all his passion, his frustration. He kissed her like he would have kissed Buffy.

"Wow, you sure are a great kisser"

"Thank you, see you around" he replied, he took the glass of water and made his way back to the table where they were all sat, looking at him.

"Cordelia, your water" he said, putting the glass in front of her.

"Thank you" she replied

"Man, that was..how did you do it? You don't know the girl and she is already all over you" Xander said pointing the girl who was still staring at Angel.

"Let's just say that I've got my ways with women"

"I'll bet" said Cordelia sarcastically. She had noticed tha way Buffy had been looking at him. She was hurt, even if she didn't want to let it show.

When they were dancing, Riley had felt Buffy tense. He had looked where she was looking and had seen the scene. Even if she didn't want to admit it, he knew this had affected her.

A slow song was heard. The two couples were already on the dance floor. That left the three of them alone again. Angel couldn't believe that was happening. Why this song ?

_**I'll remember you  
It's daybreak, and you are asleep,  
I can hear you breathe now,  
Your breath is deep**_

He remembered that song clearly. How would he forget ?He remembered everything about her. Riley asked her if she wanted to dance, she was going to accept but no way, this was their song. But he didn't have the courage and let them go.

_**But before I go,  
I'll look at you one last time,  
I can hear a heart beat, is it yours or is it mine?**_

No, he couldn't let that happen. He got up and approach them. He put his hand on Riley's shoulder.

"May I cut in ?"

Riley was about to protest but Buffy took Angel's hand. Riley stared at them before going back to the table, he felt so humiliated.

"Sorry but I couldn't let that happen"

"What ?"

"This is one of our song"

"Really ? What are the others ?"

"The sound of pouring rain"

"The rain ?"

"Yes"

"Angel, I think..."

"Stop thinking and start feeling" He drew her closer to him, she put her head on his chest and closed her eyes.

_**I look at your lips, I know how soft they can be,  
Did they know what they wanted, the times they kissed me, **_

_"Ijust wanted to see if you were ok and your mother"_

_"We're both good, you ?"_

_"If I can go a while without getting shot or stabbed, I'll be all right"_

_**And your hands, that I've held in mine,  
Now they're reposing on the pillow,  
Will they ever miss me sometime? **_

_**I'll remember you, you will be there in my heart,  
I'll remember you, but that is all that I can do,  
But I'll remember **_

_"Look, this can't..." started Angel_

_"Be anything,I know" finished Buffy "For one thing, you're like, 224 years older than I am!"_

_"I just gotta go...I gotta walk away from this"_

_"I know. Me, too. One of us has to go here" _

_"I know" _

_They kissed_

_**Your eyes, that always make me shiver,  
Now they're closed, they just sometimes twitch a little,  
And your body, I could hold for an hour,  
It sent me to heaven, with its heat and power, **_

_"You ok ?" Buffy asked, she hadn't noticed that her cross had burnt him_

_"It's just..."_

_"Painful, I know. See you around"_

_**I'll remember you, you will be there in my heart,  
I'll remember you, but that is all that I can do,  
But I'll remember**_

"Wow...It was..painful"

"What ?" asked Angel

"I just remembered what happened when this song was played"

"Oh"

"I could feel...you know...I loved you and you seemed to love me too. How did we end up like this ?"

"I don't know" he replied honestly, looking down.

"I don't want to know and I don't want it to happen" They looked at each other. They didn't notice that the music was finished. They were just looking at each other like they were alone in the world. When Buffy saw that he wasn't going to make the first move, she brought her head closer to his, so thei noses were touching, she didn't want to be reject. She was glad when his lips brushed hers and captured them in a long, tender kiss. This felt so good, it felt like home. Angel knew he shouldn't but he couldn't help himself. He had seen her eyes, they only reflected love and trust. So much love that it was scaring. When was the last time she had look at him like that ? When she would remember, maybe she won't forgive him or hate him even more but he didn't care. Wasn't she worth all the pain and loneliness ? She sure was worth everything.

At the table they were all loking at them.

"Aren't they cute ? asked Willow forgetting Riley

"Welcome to Buffy and Angel show" Cordelia rolled her eyes "Those two can't stay a day without touching each other" she muttered. She acted as if it unnerved her but she was happy for Angel. Buffy was the one who could hurt him the most but also make him happy. The last three months had been really hard on him.Since he regained his humanity, two months ago, he didn't have one single serious relationship, only one-night stands like that blond bimbo he had kissed earlier.

Riley hadn't said a word, he was too shocked and in pain. He knew that he had already lost her, but seeing it was harder. She looked so happy in his arms, it was sickening. He had to move on but unfortunately, he loved her.

Buffy and Angel finally broke apart, both needing air. Angel was looking intensely at her, she blushed.

"You are so beautiful, Buffy" he whispered into her ears, making her flush even more. They made their way towards the table. When they arrived, there was an awkward silence. No one knew what to say.

"I'm going to patrol" said Angel. He really needed some air to cool down. He had wanted, needed Buffy.

"Can I go with you ?" Buffy asked in a small voice, Angel was about to reply but was cut by Riley

"Buffy, I would like to talk to you"

Buffy had completely forgot about her boyfriend but she didn't remember him and didn't intend to. She only wanted him as a friend.

"But I want to..." she started but was interrupted

"No, it's ok, patroling is too dangerous any way" Angel said bye to everyone and left without another galnce.

Buffy couldn't believe what was happening. One minute, he was caring, gentle, nice and especially kissing her and the next he was avoiding her.

"I need air, come on Riley we will talk outside" she aid bye to everyone and made her way towards the exit without looking if Riley was following her or not.

"Buffy, wait"

"I'm sorry, Riley"

"It's because of him, he is a fool"

"What ?"

"He doedn't realise what he has. If you loved me half as mush as you love him, I would be the happiest man alive" She didn't know why but his words touched her, he was so nice. Why couldn't she fall in love with him instead ? Things would be so easier.

"I'm sorry, I know you are my boyfriend, you are good looking, nice but I can't only see you as a friend"

"It's ok" he said taking her in his arms. They held each other for a long time.

Angel felt stupid. Why had he ran away like that? He wanted to apologize and was making his way back to the Bronze but the sight of the love of his life and her boyfriend holding each other stopped him. Why was he so stupid ? Did he think that she would still want him ? She was where she belongs, in the arms of her boyfriend. Wasn't it what he had wanted for her ?He should be happy. He felt stupid for letting her affect him again. He made his way back into the cemetery.

Buffy felt the little tingle in her stomach, the one she only felt when Angel was near. She looked around her but no one was there. She laughed at her own stupidity.

"I want to go home" she whispered, breaking apart from Riley's embrace

"I'll walk with you"

They walked silently towards her house. They didn't need to talk, they were fine. They arrived and they said good bye to each other. Buffy went into her house to find it empty. She would wait for him.

**TBC ? Please review. I'm sorry for not updating sooner but I lost this chapter and I had to find the courage to write it again but fortunately your reviews helped me ! Thank you very much**

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**Fanficer Lore** : Thank you for reviewing. If you have any idea, feel free to share. 

**buff : **Thank you

**je t'aime angel :** Thank you for liking my story. Are you french ? I am

**Emily** : lol thanks, I really sucked at summaries

**Jess **: Thanks I didn't want them to fight all the time

**crystalix** : Thank you. He will find in the next chapter

**Buffy4592 **: lol I kind of like Cordy when she is not with Angel... Spike was the one to mess up things between Buffy and Angel. I don't know if he will be there but I think abou it. Thank you

**lesstahnangelic1** : You are right but in this one I talk about her. The other one was more about Riley and Angel. Keep on babbling, I like it, thank you for taking the time to write all this.

**nonsda05** : Strenge story you read. lol I'm glad for saving your wall..thank you for reviewing

**evil kirby **: Thank for for loving it. Cordelia is happy about ANgel and Buffy even if she doesn't want to say it.


	10. I Killed You

Long time, no updates, shame on me but you are stillreading and you still review, **thank you very much…** I'm really sorry but I had to pass three exams so I had to study. But now I'm on holidays so I'll try to update more often. Now enough with my life….

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_Can u help me?  
Tell me what you want from me  
Can u help me?  
Tell me why you want to leave  
Baby help me  
Without you my whole world is falling apart  
And I'm going crazy! Life's a prison when your in love alone_

Buffy had been sitting on the couch for nearly one hour. She didn't feel like going to bed before seeing Angel another time to understand his behaviour. They had kissed; she thought they would have been closer but instead he couldn't get rid of her faster. Riley had been gentle and she decided she liked him but not as a boyfriend, she could only imagine Angel in that role. She was getting tired but she wouldn't sleep until he got back.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't hear when Angel entered the house. It was unusual that at this time, the living room was still lit. He walked carefully without making a sound. He found Buffy sat on the couch, staring into space. Why was she still there? Was she waiting for him? But he didn't have the guts to ask. He just leant on the frame and stared at her. He started to feel guilty, he was observing her without her knowing so he announced his presence by coughing. The sound made her jump, she turned her eyes towards him. The two of them seemed really tired.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you" Angel looked down, no longer able to look into her beautiful green eyes which evoked too many souvenirs for him.

"It's my fault, I wasn't paying attention" she replied.

Then there was an awkward silence. They didn't seem to be able to look at each other. Buffy decided to break that silence. She needed answers and that wasn't the way she was going to have them. She looked at him expectantly, wishing he would do the same but he kept his eyes on the other side of the room. She sighed and he finally turned his eyes to meet hers.

"Where were you?" she asked, prepared for an answer like it's not your businness.

"I just went for a walk. I'm sorry if you were worried"

"Angel, we need to talk" she began more confident

"I know"

"Why did you do that?" She knew he would understand what she was referring to. No one had missed the way he had wanted to get rid of her.

"Do what?" But he had decided to play dumb

"Stop playing with me, Angel. I'm not a child any more"

"Don't I know it?"

"Look, we are not going anywhere, I want answers and the truth please" He didn't reply so she added "I thought our kiss meant something, I was wrong but at least for me it did mean something"

"I never said... It meant something for me too but I already told you, we can't be together"

"Why?"

"Because you hate me"

"Are you crazy? I will never hate you" Her comment made him laugh "What's so funny?"

"You don't understand but it's not your fault, you will soon"

"I don't want to wait, I want the truth and now"

"There's no need, when you will recover your memory, you'll know"

"Do you love me?" She asked bluntly

He looked down, he couldn't bear her pure eyes asking him the question that had been haunting him for the last three months. When he was alone, it was easy to believe that he hated her as much as she did but in front of her he couldn't. He was feeling so weak and knew his love was shining in his eyes. For sure, he loved the woman in front of him but he would rather die that to admit it to her so when she would recover her memory she would make fun of him. Could he think she was so cruel? After all she had been because he had tried to kill her boyfriend. His inner battle wouldn't let him.

_Girl I know we had some good times  
It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye  
Girl you know I love you, I can't deny  
I can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I  
I know it hurts so much but it's best for us  
Somewhere along this windy road we lost the trust  
So I'll walk away so you don't have to see me cry  
It's killing me so, why don't you go_

"Do you love Riley?" Instead of answering her question, his jealousy came back. Maybe he shouldn't have brought this subject back but he couldn't remove the image of the two of them hugging from his mind. He kept thinking of them.

"What do you talk about him? I'm talking about us" Buffy was starting to wonder if he was really stupid. How could he think that she love Riley?

"Nevermind" he replied sharply

"Are you jealous?" She couldn't help smiling

"No, why would I be jealous of a boy like him?" Buffy knew he was right, he had everything Riley had and much more

"Then why did you ask me that ?"

"Because I saw you together. I wanted to apologize for being so rude but I saw you were busy and I didn't want to disturb you"

"So, are you jealous?" She was starting to like this conversation. She knew what he was referring to: when Riley and her were hugging but it didn't mean anything. But Angel didn't seem to know it.

"Yes, are you happy?" He finally said

"Yes, very"

She noticed that she wouldn't get anything else but knowing that he was jealous of someone like Riley gave her some hope. Then she remembered that she stillhadn't told him about what happened when he was captured.

"Can you come with me? I want to show you something"

She walked towards him and took his hand without realising it. They reached her bedroom but Angel seemed reticent to enter.

"Oh, come on. I'll behave, I promise to keep my hands for me" She blushed at her comment but his smile reassured her.

She took a box and opened it. It was the box that had helped her to remember some details about Angel. She started by showing him the cross she had around her neck.

"I remember when you gave me this!" she exclaimed proud of herself, then she showed him the jacket that she hold tight.

Angel looked at her with disbelief. She seemed so attached to these objects. As if she was reading in his thoughts she responded "You know, I like those things because when I saw them, it felt like they were important to me and I know why. Because you are the one who gave it to me" she said without shame, she was in a way admitting her love for him. But she couldn't tell him because he could act strange and could fear her growing love for him.

"Thank you, Buffy" She looked at him sceptically "For keeping all those things and they still mean something for you" Seeing all those objects brought back many souvenirs"Now you must be tired, why don't you sleep?"

"Stay with me?" She didn't know where it came from but it seemed just right. Angel was tired of fighting so he said the only thing that came to his mind at this moment "Always"

They were too tired to change. They took off their shoes and toes, and Angel took off his shirt for Buffy's happiness but she tried to not stare too hard. They went to bed and held each other close.

_Something has been taken from deep inside of me  
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see  
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away  
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played_

_Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past  
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have  
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back  
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past_

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"AHHHHHH" Buffy woke up in the morning, screaming and crying. 

"What happened ? Did you have a nightmare?"

"Angel? Is it really you? You are alive! I was so afraid, it seemed so real" she asked confused

Angel thought she had recovered her memory because before Buffy didn't know he was alive, human. "Look, I can explain, we didn't sleep together" He went out of the bed and took his shirt which was resting on the chair to wear it.

Buffy was more and more confused. Why did he tell her that they didn't sleep together when she just dream about it? Could it have been reality? NO! It couldn't, she was so desperate. The last thing she remembered was so horrible that she had woken up. It couldn't be real, she couldn't have done that. But she dreamed of her younger, it was so confusing. She had also dream of her friends. She couldn't have created all those souvenirs… But it was so hard to think that it happened.

"I killed you" she sobbed "I killed you, I killed you. Oh my God, I killed you, I sent you to Hell" she cried harder.

Angel looked confused so she hadn't remembered everything but... She only remembered when she killed him. He tried to reassure her "I'm ok, Buffy look, I'm even alive, no more a vampire" Saying that, he took her hand and put it on his heart.

"That's why you hate me. I'm sorry, you were right now I understand. I killed you, how can you look at me?"

"No, no... I never hated you for that. On the opposite I loved you more because of that"

"What? "

"You had the courage to kill me, I don't know if I could have killed you even for the sake of the world. I admire you Buffy" She hugged him and silently cried in his arms.

"I'm sorry, I got you all wet"

"I don't mind. Can you tell me what you remember?"

It was hard for her but she told him everything, when she was young, how school was. She talked to him about Los Angeles, her mother then about Willow, Xander, Giles and of course him...

"It's strange I still remember my mom as if she was alive and I don't remember Riley at all"

"Buffy, those souvenirs were five years ago" he declared

"What?" This wasn't her concern now "How can you forgive me for killing you?"

"Stop worrying about that, I already told you, I never hated you for that" He kissed her on the cheek "I have to phone Giles and the others. You'll maybe remember everything soon"

Buffy wanted to tell him that she didn't want to remember anything else. She liked the way they were, she was trying to get closer to him. But he seemed to not like the Buffy she was before she lost her memory. Then she remembered when she killed him, she couldn't stop the tears. How had she react to that? It was easier now because he was still there but before when he was in Hell, she couldn't have been able to support it, especially after remembering all the good times they had together.

Angel came back to find her in tears, she was crying hard and couldn't stop. He didn't know what to do. He took her in his arms and talked calmly "Giles is going to call the others, we have to go there in one hour. I'll let you take your shower and don't worry about Hell, it wasn't that bad" he tried to calm her but didn't really succeed.

"Please, stop crying. I don't like seeing you like that and it wasn't your fault. You know what I like about you? That power you have in you to lighten up everything. Without you, I wouldn't be there and certainly not human. You changed my life more that you can imagine, you gave me the envy of living" He gently brushed her tears with his thumb. She looked at him. She didn't know what to say but she didn't want to waste this moment. "You don't have to say anything, I'll be waiting for you, go and take your shower"

She did as she was told and went into the bathroom. Angel didn't know why he had opened up to her like that but it seemed that she needed it. His love for her was far from disappearing, he knew it now better that ever. He could never stop loving her. How was she going to react when she will recover her memory?

Twenty minutes later, she came out of the bathroom, she still had red eyes from crying but she was beautiful. She looked at him and smiled timidly.

"You are beautiful" He got up, went out of her bedroom to take clothes and went into the bathroom.

Taking advantage of the fact that he was in the bathroom, she made breakfast for the two of them. Remembering the first time she had done that, when Angel hadn't come out because he had been captured made her shivered but she quickly brushed that thought from her mind. She was hearing the water and was imagining how he looked like nude. She shook her head. How could she think of him like that when she had killed him? Angel had told her that she shouldn't feel guilty but even for the world she shouldn't have sacrificed him. Would she be able to do it again? Absolutely not.

When she finished preparing the breakfast, Angel made his way towards the kitchen.

"It smells good, thank you" he said trying to enlighten her mood

They ate in silence before heading to Giles's apartment. Everyone was already there, waiting for them. They entered and found it strangely calm. Everyone just looked at them. They all noticed Buffy's puffy eyes and the way she was wrapping her hands around Angel's arm as if she was afraid he would disappear. Angel hadn't really been clear when he had phoned Giles, he only told her that she remembered her life until she was seventeen.

Ignoring all their glances, they sat on the sofa. Angel prepared himself to tell her what she remembered.

**TBC** PLEASE REVIEW

_Lyrics by Usher- Can you help me_

_Usher - Separated_

_Linkin Park - Easier To Run_

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**dalmatiangrl2** : I don't exactly know who this blonde is lol, it was just like that...I don't know what came into my mind when I wrote that...thanks for the review 

**crystalix **: thank you, I hope you liked that one too

**lessthanangelic1** : It wasn't my intention at all to make you hate him lol, sorry but I didn't really understand your review, if you thought Buffy and Riley got back together...NO...NO..NO WAY lol, you don't have to worry about that, it will NEVER happen. Thank you for the review.

**urangel** : Angel kissing that bimbo was strange yeah but that'swhat I imagined him doing if he was human and Buffy wouldn't see him again. I don't see him falling in love again so just one-night stands but that's my opinion... thank you for your review

**Jess** : It seems like that kiss confused a lot of people lol, I actually don't know why there was this kiss but it happened... thank you for reviewing

**buff** : thank you, I hope you like that chapter too

**kill bill rocks** : Riley is kind of nice in this fic but things can change I don't know yet, I got no idea where this story id going... She remebered ANgelus in this chapter but she doesn't talk about it yet, she is more confused because she killed Angel but later... thanks for the review

**Sarah** : thank you for the review, I don't imagine Angel reacting too much because he is still trying to hide his feelings but it gets harder and harder

**nonsdad05** : thank you, I 'm sorry for not updating sooner

**faith** : thanks for the review

**never look back** : Thanks, that's why I wanted Riley is not that bad

**Buffy4592** : thanks for the review, Cordy and Angel no way, only like brother and sister

**LPGurl14** : I'm a big fan of Linkin Park, every fan is my friend lol. The song they were dancing to is **Zelmani Sophie - I'll Remember You**

**bella** : thanks for the review, I hope you liked that chapter

**Buffy9-27** : Thank you

**yummyOoO** : thank you very much

**BloodThirstyGoddess **: You read it two times..that's really nice thank you very much


	11. Finally Happy

Firsl I'd like to thank you all for reading this next and LAST chapter... I kind of like how this story went, it's my second fic and I'm proud of it, I hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

* * *

Angel and Buffy were facing the rest of the group who were silently waiting for answers. 

"As I told you on the phone, Buffy remembered everything until she was seventeen... more precisely until the day she... sent me to Hell" He felt Buffy shivered when he uterred the word Hell but he looked at her to reassure her and she smiled back at him.

Everyone was speechless, that seemed strange. Why did she only remember that?

"How did it happen?" asked Giles, cleaning his glasses

"I dreamed of it" Buffy answered without looking at him.

"It sure was more peaceful that the way I planned to make you remember" smirked Cordelia and the others rolled their eyes except Buffy who didn't know what she was talking about but she sure would have been against the idea of being hit again.

"So you remember all of us ! That's great, well nearly but I'm sure you'll remember everything soon" Willow said

Riley didn't say anything, he didn't know her when she was 17 so she still didn't remember him. He was really hurt but he had learned to control his self, he knew that he had lost Buffy, before he couldn't admit it but now there was nothing to deny.

"I don't want to !" cried Buffy "I don't want"

Everyone looked at her, she was now crying silently, repeating the same words over and over again.

"What's wrong ?" Angel asked gently

"I don't want to be like I was" sobbed Buffy

"What? You don't even remember how you were" Xander responded

"Yes, I know.. I was mean" that's was all she could say but she really hated the woman she had grown up into.

"Who told you that?" Asked Xander glaring at Angel who glared back.The latter had never fooled Buffy into thinking that.

"I perfectly remember the way Angel had looked at me, the first...well..the first time I saw him" Buffy recalled

"I didn't hate you" said Angel looking down, feeling ashamed that he had let her think such a ridiculous thing.

"Then why can't you look into my eyes when you say it?"

"Because then I would feel ashamed of how I have let you down, I should have been there to protect you in the first place"

"No, don't be, I don't know everything that hapenned but I'm sure it wasn't your fault"

"You can't know that Buffy, maybe I shoudn't have listenned to others, maybeI shouldn't have made decisions concerning us all by myself, I should have stayed with you no matter what, even as a friend"

Buffy got up, satisfied with his answers and took him into her arms, she couldn't think of a single reason why they had drifted apart, she loved him so much and could feel the same love coming from him. Everything they felt for each other could easily be seen in their eyes, they were so meant for each other, even Xander and Riley unwillingly realise it.

"I still don't want to remember what hapenned until now, I'm happy with what I remember and I don't need anything else" continued Buffy, determined, she felt it was much simpler the way things were.

"You can't say that, Buffy, you need all those memories, they are part of you, no matter what they are" Angel tried to convince her

"No, I don't need them, all I need is the memories of who I am, of you and my friends" she still missed the growing hurt of Riley but Angel was aware of it.

"You don't mean what you say, don't you want to fully remember your mother? Don't you want to remember Riley? I know you had good times because you told me. No one should want to forget a part of his life, Buffy"

Buffy knew he was right, looking at Riley, she finally realise that she had hurt him, and remembering her mother, she wanted to cherish every moment she had shared with her.

"I'm sorry Riley, I didn't mean to hurt you and I would be glad to remember you" Buffy said looking at him, he smiled at her then she looked back at Angel "Do you think the rest of the memory will come the same way?"

"I have no idea" he replied

"Maybe we could cast a spell to help her remember faster" screamed Willow already excited

No one talked for a long time, it wasn't such a bad idea, it would maybe help her. They all silently agreed. They started making research until Xander had found what they were looking for. They did everything as it was said, the person who needed her memory back had to be in the middle of people he cared for. Everyone circled Buffy except Riley who stand back.

"What are you doing?" Buffy asked him "I'm sorry if you misunderstood me, I have not been very nice to you but you seem to be someone I care a lot about, please stay" he smiled at her, and took place with the others.

Willow cast the spell, nothing strange hapenned so they thought they had failed but Buffy had her eyes close, and was standing still. Willow rushed to her and asked her if she was alright, but she didn't move.

Everyone was worried but seconds later, she opened her eyes and seemed a little confused. She looked around her and seemed uneasy, why was everyone looking at her? Then she saw Cordelia and didn't understand what she was doing there. If Cordelia was there, maybe Angel was there too, she feared to see him but turned her head anyway and saw him. A lot of emotions came to her mind, she didn't know what to do, what to say, she didn't understand what hapenned.

"What the hell hapenned here?" she asked confused

Everyone looked at her strange.

"What is the last thing you remember, Buffy?" asked Giles

"I don't exactly know, we were patroling Riley and I, I remember us being attacked, I was thrown against something and the next thing I remember is you guys standing there" Buffy said fastly "But the thing I really want to know is what are you guys doing there" she said looking at Angel and Cordelia.

Cordelia opened her eyes to answer but no words came, she didn't know how to react. Angel, on the other hand was facing an inner battle, should he tell her what hapenned? Right now the only thing she had in mind was their encounter three months ago, thesound of her voice didn't lie, she wasn't really happy to see him even if the look in her eyes didn't match it. It was only confusion. Maybe he should let things how they were and never come back again but he knew he would regret it all his life. But why did he left her in the first place? He wanted her to have a normal life. But he could give that to her, he was human now, even if he tended to forget it.

"I am waiting for an answer" added Buffy impatiently, crossing her arms and cutting Angel from his thoughts

"We learned that you had an accident and... we just came to check you were alright, now that it's done,we are going back to Los Angeles, it was nice seeing you again" Angel finally replied and looked at Cordelia to go back.

"I.. wait Angel, you can't do that" said Cordelia

"I can do whatever I want, are you coming or not?" replied Angel

"Yes, just a second" replied Cordelia who didn't know what else she could say, she walked toward Xander and kissed him "Call me, alright?" he just nodded not trusting his voice, he didn't want to let her go but he knew he had to.

"Alright, doesn't anyone else find this strange?" asked Buffy ... Xander and Cordelia together again?

No one replied unsure of what to tell her. Was Angel ever going to tell her what hapenned? Should they? Was itAngel's decision to make? But fortunately she forgot her question and looked at Riley, he had been with her at the time of the accident, she hadn't checked if he was alright.

"By the way, Riley, are you alright?" she approached him and kissed him, he didn't know what to say, he just let her.

Angel didn't look at them, he just waited until Cordelia came to him, everyone looked at them when they said bye and took off.

* * *

**In Angel's car**

"Why did you do that?" asked Cordelia, seeing that he wouldn't answer she continued "Do you like being hurt or what?" he didn't utter a word nor look at her. She didn't know what else to say.

"I knew something like that could happen, I was prepared for it, things are never simple, Cordy" he simply said but his eyes really showed the pain he was feeling.

Cordelia couldn't help wondering how many times he was going to make sacrifice for Buffy. Sacrifices she wasn't even aware of just like when he abandonned his humanity for her. The things he could do for her were so scaring, he wouldn't think before dying for her.

* * *

**At Giles' house **

"Alright, what hapenned here? Can someone fill me in?" asked Buffy, still as confused

No one looked like they were going to answer, they didn't exactly know why but if Angel had decided to forget that, it was his decision and maybe they had to respect it, maybe.

"I don't exactly know why I am going to do this...yes, of course I know..." Riley said more to himself than to the people around him, everyone looked at him strangely, why was he going to say?"When you were hit, you lost your memory, you couldn't remember anything so in order to protect Sunnydale, they called Angel..." seeing that Buffy wasopening her mouth to say something,hecut in"Let me finish please, it is not really easy for me" Buffy shut her mouth and the others looked at Riley expectantly "So as I was saying, they called Angel, he kind of help you to remember, and you were also kind of close..." he made a pause, searching for his words "Buffy, you have to take your chance, he loves you and I know you never stopped loving him, don't let him go away from you again." Riley finished painfully, he was pushing her toward someone else, if someone had told him that, he would have never believed it.

While he was talking, images came into Buffy's mind, she remembered how she was confused, how she felt when she "first" saw Angel. She now really remembered every moment of her life, at least she thought so. Angel was human, her craziest dream had finally come true.She didn't know what to say to Riley, it seemed as if he has already accepted the fact that she could never love him the way she had loved Angel but it still didn't feel right to hurt him, he had been nice to her.

"Thank you Riley for being so understanding and I am really sorry, I wish I could have love you as you deserve" she told him sincerely.

Now the only thing she was thinking about was Angel and how he had lied again to her..He had told her something and minutes after had done the contrary.

"You remember everything ?" asked Xander

"Yeah and I am heading to Los Angeles, I don't know when I will be back, I will call you, see you later guys" she went to the door and looked at them before going out "I am so happy to remember all of you"

* * *

**In Los Angeles**

Angel was sitting at his desk, brooding as usual. Was he going to regret his decision ? Befor he had showed up, she was happy with Riley, she had told him so and he believef her, she loves him. He was trying to convince his self that she would get a better life with Riley than with him. He had always thought that he didn't deserve herso it wasn't hard.

Wesley had arrived at the hotel thirthy minutes after them and immediately asked Cordelia why he was so sad because he knew he wouldn't get anything from him. Cordelia had nearly finished her story "when the spell was finished, Buffy only remembered what hapenned before she had lost her memory so Angel..."

"Decided it was better to take off instead of talkingto me" finished Buffy.

Wesley and Cordelia looked at her as if they were seeing a ghost.

"I hope you are not there to make him feel even worst it it's possible... I won't let you do that" said Cordelia, standing up.

"Don't worry, I just want to speak to him" replied Buffy going toward Angel's desk "By the way it's nice seeing you again Wesley"

"What do you think is going to happen there?" asked Cordelia "If she hurt him again, slayer or not, I will... I don't know what but I will definitely do something"

Wesley only smiled "I think you don't need to worry, those two are meant for each other, she wouldn't have come here for nothing"

* * *

Buffy opened the door of Angel's office, he was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't hear her.

"Hello, lover" she told him sexily

He nearly fell off his chair, he was looking at her with his mouth open.

"I had always wanted to do that" she smiled "Now more seriously, why did you do that? Don't ask me do what. I am tired, Angel. You said we would be grown up about this"

"What are you doing there?" was the only thing he could said when he regained control from the shock.

"You weren't going to tell me what hapenned while I didn't remember anything, right? " she didn't let him time to answer "I thought you regreted making decisions for both of us"

"I don't know why I keep doing this" replied Angel out of words, he had nothing to explain himself "What hapenned? How did you remember?"

"Surprisingly, Riley was the one to tell me" Angel looked really shocked but didn't say anything "That's is how I remembered, imaes were flashing throught my mind"

"I am sorry, Buffy but since I arrived there I couldn't stop thinking how stupid I was, if you would like maybe... we could try again" Angel said unsure and afraid of her answer.

"I would love to" replied Buffy "Promise you won't leave me again" she approached him and sat on his laps

"I promise" he drew her face closer to his and she kissed him.

Angel suddenly stopped the kiss but kept Buffy's face into his hands "Before we start that relationship, I would like to tell you something" he took a deep needed breath before continuing "Do you remember when you came at Thanksgiving?" she nodded "Well, you only remember a part of what hapenned..The first time.." Angel was searching for his words while Buffy was smiling at him.

"What?" he asked her

"I remember, Angel. At first I thought it was only a dream but it seemed so real that I started to believe in it. So it really hapenned, huh?"

"Yes.. aren't you mad?"

"How could I be? At first I was, but what you did you did it for me, it was a really nice thing to do. Knowing that you could do so much for me, made me feel special...I love you, my Angel"

Angel was surprised by her reaction but it was the best he could hope for "I love you too"

They started kissing as though they would never see each other again. They had finally found each other, they couldn't be more happy.


End file.
